i will (EFY 2013)

EFY this year was totally awesome. As a five year attendee, I was pretty much the veteran in my group -- this actually took a little bit of getting used to. I wasn't really at the same time of life as the stellar youth in my group (I caught myself saying, when I was in Relief Society last week), but I wasn't really at the same time of life as my counselors. After I got adjusted to that, I had such a great time!

The Blau crew went to Minnesota this year (I was asleep when this decision was made), because it was the only thing that fit into our busy schedule where Savannah, Spencer, and I could go together. I loved going with my brother and sister this year. It was such a bonding experience! Savannah and I actually got the chance to be roommates for the first time, which I loved. We are already roommates at home ... in fact, I think the only difference was that at EFY we slept on different beds.

There were crazy awesome highlights for me at this EFY:

1. On Wednesday, it was pouring buckets outside. For those of you that aren't familiar with EFY, Wednesday is generally the outdoors game night. It's super fun because participants put on their white shirts and run around like nut cases on campus. Since it was raining, it was doubtful whether or not we would be able to play our games, but we prepared our cheer just in case. I really took a leadership role during this process and it felt AWESOME. People were listening to me as I delegated tasks and made speedy decisions. I really felt empowered and a part of the group, which is something that I haven't really tapped into in my life before. I am perfectly content with just staying in the background, but I saw that this was a perfect chance and I took it. I hope it doesn't go to my head (I think it has a little bit already).

2. I am a huge proponent of participating in the various activities at EFY. I love, love, love the musical program. As a five year (six time!!) participant in the musical program, I was beyond excited to be in this one. During these programs and the various practices (we practice during every free moment to prepare for the program on Thursday) I realize how talented people really are.

It always kind of intimidates me because I am inclined to think the best of others and think a little less of myself. It's not an unhealthy obsession with my flaws, but it's just the way I am. I would much rather praise others. Because of that, I hardly ever volunteer to do things like solos or speaking parts. Others are much more capable than I am. This year, however, I was determined to just give trying out for a solo a try. After all, this was my last EFY experience as a participant and I wanted to live it to the best of my abilities.

When they called the participants that wanted to audition for a solo to come from the group, it seemed like the entire choir stepped out. My heart got little butterflies ... there was NO WAY that I was going to be impressive enough to stand out from this crowd. I said a little prayer in my heart that I would be able to do my best and feel good about my audition and then joined the crowd. We went to the back of the auditorium and looked at the music that we would be singing. To my surprise, we were singing one of my FAVORITE church songs ever called "I WILL" by Hilary Weeks.

This is my favorite song for several reasons, but the main reason I love it is because it was the song that my first EFY counselor, Annalaura sang at EFY. It was on my first EFY CD and got me through my first year of high school. I really, really feel a connection with it and the lyrics. It kind of describes my attitude about keeping the commandments even when it is super hard. As I was sitting there with the crowd, I realized how bizarrely full circle the situation was. Here I was at my very last EFY. I had made it through the rough parts of my teenage life and now I was ready to go forth and serve. I started to feel a little hope in my heart about the audition. After all, I was already familiar with this song and I could put a ton of emotion and personal experience behind its words.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I auditioned and I felt really good about it. I still wasn't sure that I would stand out, but I said a prayer after the audition that really calmed me down. The next day, they announced the people that they selected for the solo ... and I WAS ONE OF THEM! Out of the thirty or so people that auditioned, there were five girls picked. I was so full of gratitude at that moment. The counselor that was picking us out obviously didn't know who I personally was, but I believe that she was prompted to pick me because it was such an important thing to me. I sang with these super talented girls during practice and then during the musical program. It was like a dream ... and, like I said, totally full circle. I felt like I had reached some sort of nirvana ... If I believed in that kind of thing, anyway.

3. On Friday, we had a little bit of free time. Before Friday, my free times are always occupied with musical program, so it's fun to see what the rest of the cool kids do with their time. I hate to admit this ... but in Minnesota, there really isn't anything that is cool to do. You can sit around and get stung by mosquitoes ... or you can walk around and get bit by mosquitoes ... or you can play ultimate frisbee. My company was standing around trying to think of something to do when one of our counselors mentioned that we could play hide and seek somewhere around campus. That was a WINNER idea. None of the buildings were actually opened ... but that didn't deter us. We basically went from door to door until we found one that didn't latch. Was that necessarily the right thing to do? No ... but we weren't causing any serious damage.

The building that we broke into, ahem, entered was one that we had had classes in earlier in the week. It had an ampitheater type thing with a network of tunnels beneath that were made for playing hide and go seek. Playing with my company was such a fun, fun bonding experience. At one point, the counselors left and they put me and James (another 18-year-old participant) in charge of making sure nobody died. I had so much fun being a "leader." I seriously cannot WAIT to be an EFY counselor. I'm sure it is a great experience.

4. My EFY session director was stinking awesome. His name is Brother Bowman. He is an artist, an expert Monty Python impersonator, and a super rocking spiritual stud. I loved his lessons and insights throughout the week. He talked a lot about chastity (which is kind of a strange EFY subject), but I totally learned a lot. He also talked a lot about the atonement. I love learning about what my Savior has done for me because the more I learn, the more I realize I need to learn.

Another super awesome teacher I had at EFY was Brother Janson. A highlight for this year was during one of his classes when he was talking about using technology wisely. At one point, he picked up his hardback scriptures and said, "I LOVE my hardback scriptures!" He then placed his cheek on it and started to purr. It was pretty much the funniest thing that I have seen in my life. A serious contender for funniest thing I have seen in my life happened during that same class when he started to worship his iPhone. I loved Brother Janson.

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I love EFY. Uplifting and encouraging the youth of the church is definitely one of my passions. I learned so many wonderful things this year at EFY and met so many wonderful people. I really have been blessed to go to EFY so frequently and to have such wonderful experiences. It has definitely helped me to stand up for what I believe in and to LOVE what I believe in. I really love being a Mormon. It is my happiness!

improvement

"I challenge every one of you who can hear me to rise to the divinity within you. Do we really realize what it means to be a child of God, to have within us something of the divine nature? There is room for improvement in every life. Regardless of our occupations, regardless of our circumstances, we can improve ourselves and while so doing have an effect on the lives of those about us." Gordon B. Hinckley, "Each a Better Person"

I love Gordon B. Hinckley and I love this quote. I am a little bit of a perfectionist; I am hard on myself (sometimes too hard) because I truly believe in an upward climb to perfection. I am disappointed when I struggle but I am incredibly happy when I find ways to overcome the natural man and to be a little better. A year or so ago, I decided to lengthen my stride. I have felt the quiet whispering of the spirit telling me that it's time to lengthen my stride again. It is time for me to stand a little taller and to be a little better. Let me share some experiences that have happened in my life 

First of all, I got the opportunity this week to attend Youth Conference with the youth in my area. Since I am pretty much ancient (I mean, I am 18 and a half ... egads), I was not able to sign up as a participant, but I was able to sign on to volunteer in the kitchen. It was such a fun experience because I was in a tiny position of power but I could also hang out with the youth a lot of the time. I don't know how, but I managed to get more disgusting in two days than I was the entire week at Philmont. The theme for this year's conference was "Be Prepared" and I had a lot of sandwich making time to reflect how I can be more prepared in my life. I am almost ready to submit my missionary paperwork. I am almost ready to leave for college. I am almost ready to start a family. ALMOST ready, but not completely. There are still SO many things that I could and should be doing right now to be fully prepared for my future.

Once again, my testimony of the priesthood was strengthened during Youth Conference. While she was participating in one of the activities at camp, Savannah managed to burn and blister both of her hands. It looked incredibly painful -- so painful that it hurt me to look at it. I scurried around when the injury happened to find a first aid kit that could help ease Savannah's pain. As we sorted through the gauze and alcohol pads, my dad wondered aloud if there was any consecrated oil in the first aid kit. I didn't find any, but I knew that one of my friends who was recently ordained an Elder had some on a key chain. Just as I mentioned that, my friend rounded the corner. Although he had come to help in the kitchen, my friend was able to help my dad give Savannah a blessing. I felt the spirit testify to me, yet again, of the importance of the priesthood and the importance of marrying a worthy priesthood holder in the temple. The Lord doesn't go half-way when answering prayers, I guess.

Anyway, my testimony building experience came with a condition. If I want to marry a rock-star, studly, priesthood holder, I have to be a rock-star, worthy girl. I think it is safe to say that I am already a generally good girl, but there is so much that I can do to be more worthy. It is time for me to stand a little taller and be a little better.

Second, I got the chance to babysit the Bishop's kids yesterday. These are the same kids that I blogged about when I decided to lengthen my stride; they are pretty much the best. I was really tired after youth conference and an afternoon of working, but I decided to go ahead and babysit because I love that family so much. I do not regret it! 

The past few times I have babysat at the Bishops house have been awesome ... until bedtime. I struggled so much to get the girls to stay in bed and to keep the little boy distracted. When the bishop and his wife came home, I was frazzled and the kids were all awake. I realized that this was definitely a me problem and not a problem with the kiddos. I thought about the situation for a long time, and I came to the realization that I needed to change my philosophy a little bit to be a little more focused on what Christ would do. Last night was such a sweet experience for me. I tried diligently to not rush the kids. I spent time cuddling and reading to each one. I made cups and cups of chocolate milk until the kids were sick of it. I let them indulge in a seven minute video for being so good. Miraculously, bed time was a breeze. It wasn't fast paced and stressed; it was filled with laughter and comfort. Both girls were asleep right on schedule without a kink. I was so incredibly happy and grateful. 

When all of the kids were asleep, I did a quick clean of the house. It was so quiet, and I felt my mind wandering. I feel like each time I babysit these cute kiddos, I come away thinking of things I can do better in my life. Like I did so many months ago, this night I thought about the need to lengthen one's stride. Once again, I found myself thinking about how awesome and scary it is to be a parent. What a responsibility it is! I want to be as prepared as I can to help my children grow up in love and righteousness. Part of that preparation has to be in the learning and implementation of Christ-like attributes. It is time for me to stand a little taller and be a little better.

Lastly, I am in the middle of submitting my paperwork that will qualify me to be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Part of the paperwork process involves a series of interviews with priesthood authorities that confirm the worthiness of any missionary candidate. I actually was able to get an interview with my stake president while I was in the middle of writing this blog post. As he was talking to me, I felt the spirit testify to me that my decision to go on a mission is the RIGHT decision. I also felt of the power of the Atonement in my life. It has already made me a better person than my natural capabilities. I am so grateful that through it, I can continue to improve. I also felt the urge again to be even better. As a soon to be missionary, it's time for me to stand a little taller and be a little better.

Stand a Little Taller and Be a Little Better Plan

1. Read Preach My Gospel before August 10th.

2. Read the scriptures for 1 hour a day.

3. Wake up at 6 every morning.

4. Develop charity. (Moroni 7:45)

5. Cultivate a spirit of happiness.

6. Pray morning and night on knees.

7. Strive to give my all for Heavenly Father.

One more Gordon B. Hinckley quote (did I already mention that I love him?) -- "Now, my brethren and sisters, the time has come for us to stand a little taller, to lift our eyes and stretch our minds to a greater comprehension and understanding of the grand millennial mission of this The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is a season to be strong. It is a time to move forward without hesitation, knowing well the meaning, the breadth, and the importance of our mission. It is a time to do what is right regardless of the consequences that might follow. It is a time to be found keeping the commandments. It is a season to reach out with kindness and love to those in distress and to those who are wandering in darkness and pain. It is a time to be considerate and good, decent and courteous toward one another in all of our relationships. In other words, to become more Christlike.

We have nothing to fear. God is at the helm. He will overrule for the good of this work. He will shower down blessings upon those who walk in obedience to His commandments. Such has been His promise. Of His ability to keep that promise none of us can doubt."

PS: I updated my mormon.org profile! You can check it out here or by clicking the "I'm A Mormon" button on the right. :)

Philmont, here's to thee

A week ago I was really, really frightened. I woke up in a strange room, triple-checked that I had everything I needed, and drove off into the middle of the mountains. The town of Cimarron, New Mexico seemed sleepy at best, but I found myself silently screaming as we pulled through its dusty streets lined with tourist traps. You might have asked me that day what I was anticipating so intensely. If I answered you honestly, I would have said,

"I am afraid. I'm going to have blisters the size of grapefruits on my feet. I am going to die in the Montañas de Sangre Christo (literally the Blood of Christ) without running water. I can hardly carry three text books ... I'm not sure that I can carry fifty pounds of hiking gear on my back. I am worried that I am going to want to complain. I am worried that the spirit won't be with me always. I am terrified."

Today, I am content. I woke up in my very own bed, took a shower, and even used a flush-able toilet. I watched some TV at my Nandy's house and ate food that wasn't packaged. I drove a few miles in my little Miata down the streets of Waynesville and found myself wishing I was back.

What changed from a week ago? Well, I spent a week in the mountains. A beautiful, breaktaking, eye-opening, challenging week in the mountains at Philmont Scout Ranch. I spent a week working and uplifting incredible girls. I spent a week with some rock solid priesthood holders. I experienced one of the best weeks of my life and came back a stronger, more confident Laney.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After every day during our mountain trek, my wonderful Rangers (Philmont Staff that accompanied us during the week) would have us reflect on the events of the day. After a little bit of reflection, each girl in the group shared their thorns (challenging moments), roses (beautiful moments), and buds (things they were excited about for the next day). Because there were so many incredible experiences I had during the week, it is hard to choose just one moment that defines each of the little triumphs and battles I experienced while on the trail.

Please forgive me if I rant.

Thorns
(I feel like I should mention that these thorns hardly count. Heavenly Father really blessed me while I was on the mountain trek to see the purpose and blessings that come from doing hard things.)

1. Preparation -- Part of the reason that I was so scared to come out to Philmont was the fact that I was completely and utterly unprepared for what lay in store. I did not know where we were going to be in the mountains. I picked up my hiking boots the day before we left on our cross country adventure. We were still buying things that we needed the night before we left for Philmont. Some of the videos that pop up about Philmont on Youtube are incredibly intimidating. I felt completely inadequate going into the camp. I really was concerned that it was going to be a real struggle to remain positive and spiritual throughout the week. It was a scary feeling ... I never want to be that unprepared in my life for anything.

2. Pain -- One of my Rangers (Carly) said that her main thorn for the week was seeing the pain faces of all of the girls as we hiked and hobbled around camp sites. This was so on point for me. I am a pretty empathetic person when it comes to pain. I have a pretty high pain tolerance myself, but when I see other people in pain ... I feel it. If someone were to describe to me a broken arm, I would feel it. It was SO hard to see the other girls in pain. I almost lost it when I saw Spencer after the first day. He was so miserable and I just wanted him to be okay and happy. Savannah got huge blisters all over her feet and I hurt. Sam (a girl in my group) pulled her leg muscle; Maddie strained her Achilles.

I wanted to help in any way I could, but physical pain is such a personal thing. It isn't a simple thing to take from someone. Sometimes I would feel a little sore after the never ending uphills and switchbacks, but that pain helped me to gain such a testimony of the atonement. Jesus Christ felt every pain I have ever experienced and he knows exactly how to take care of it and comfort me. I found so much gratitude for that sacrifice as I knelt in prayer and simply asked for the pain to go away. Every time, I felt peace and a renewal of energy. This was such a blessing and helped me to forget about my own needs and to help others.

3. Separation -- Another thing that was really difficult was the separation I had from my family. I was actually really lucky to have Spencer and Savannah with me for most of the time, but I really found myself missing the rest of the Blau crew. I found that even though I felt this homesickness, it wasn't disabling at all. I was able to continue moving forward and to comfort others who were having similar feelings. It was really nice to know that no matter what happened during the six days of separation that I experienced, I would see my family again. It really made me think about the importance of eternal families. I really really want my future family to have this same knowledge: whatever happens during this life, we'll be able to see each other again.

Roses

1. Strength -- One of the best things I learned during my week at Philmont is how incredible the human body is. At the beginning of the hike, I could hardly lift my pack without Savannah's help. I felt so much pain and felt like crying during the first day of actual hiking. We hiked up this ginormous mountain and had to sit in the rain for an hour and we were just going SO fast. Heavenly Father totally blessed me though. After every hike, I would feel totally wiped and in pain. Only a few minutes after rolling into camp, however, I felt completely revitalized. I can hardly even remember how difficult the days were. I learned that my body can do hard things. I went to bed every night thinking that I had done my very best and committed to do better the next day. It was such a nice reassurance and gave me great confidence. I could have felt completely and totally the opposite (after all, I must have looked and smelled disgusting), but I loved that my pack felt lighter every day. I loved that my calves were becoming more defined. Sometimes, we have to be stretched to the limit to realize just how strong we really are.

2. Testimony -- Philmont was such a testimony building experience for me in more than one way. Check out these experiences!

Chaplain's Aid During our check-in for Philmont, a nice lady was walking around and talking to the participants. As she introduced herself to me, my mouth slightly hung open. It was Sister Cheryl Esplin, one of the general authorities of the church. She was such a sweet lady and we chatted a bit until a new crop of campers came in. Later, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. As I turned around, Sister Esplin put her arm around me and said, "Laney, I would like to ask you to be the Chaplain's Aid for your group this week. Will you attend a meeting for all the Chaplain's Aids at 4?" Of course, I accepted. It didn't really matter that I had no idea what being a Chaplain's Aid entailed. I didn't matter that I had just been overwhelmed with all of the things that I would have to worry about during the week. I heard these words like they were a call from the Lord to serve my group throughout the week.

During the meeting, I got the AMAZING opportunity to receive counsel from members of the Young Men's General Board of the church and from Young Men's President, David Beck. It was so exciting to be in the presence of these servants of the Lord and to hear the things they had to say. It was also wonderful to see other teenagers that had been pulled out of their groups to the same responsibility. During the meeting, I found out more about my role. Chaplain's Aids are basically the spiritual leaders of their respective groups. They are in charge of leading prayers, devotionals, and making sure that others are having a positive and uplifting experience. I truly believe that Sister Esplin was inspired to give me the call to Chaplain's Aid. The Lord knows me. He knew that I was worried about not being strong enough to stay positive. He also knew that I could help the girls in my group before I even knew their names. It was not a coincidence that I was asked to be in this position.

I loved that David Beck knew me by name by the end of the first day. He asked me to lead a kind of spirit rally before we left on our trek to show how a positive attitude can help anyone get through any trial. It really calmed me to participate in this activity. I knew that even if a bear attacked me, I could remain happy because I'M EXCITED, I'M EXCITED, I'M EXCITED. Throughout the week, as I led devotionals and gave girls encouragement, I really felt the spirit testify to me that Heavenly Father loves his children. He really wants us to stay on the straight and narrow path to eternal life and gave us commandments to keep us on the path. I gained such a testimony of that as we hiked those straight and narrow mountain trails.

Sacrament Meeting Another super sweet, spiritual experience I had in the mountains was the Sacrament meeting we had on Day 2. We didn't really hike for the first two days, so I was able to spend a little more time being anxious about what the days ahead would hold in store. I wasn't sure what strength would be required of me during the week, but I knew I needed all of the help that I could get. I felt myself looking forward to the strength that I know the Sacrament gives when one partakes of it worthily. Unfortunately, for a while it looked as if we would be unable to make it to our meetings. It is officially monsoon season at Philmont, and just as we started to hike to the camp where our meeting was located, it started to pour. The lightning and thunder were too close for us to make the trek, so we had to return to our tents. I was super, super bummed, and I prayed that we would be able to still have our meeting.

It didn't take too long for that prayer to be answered-- the rain subsided. We were able to make it all the way to our destination with a pleasant breeze accompanying us. The spirit was so strong during this meeting. Brother Beck was presiding and the other Chaplains and I coordinated the speakers and musical numbers. It was really neat to see the priesthood in action, even though we were in our hiking clothes and were already sweaty and gross. The external factors didn't matter at all. I was really impressed by the promise that the Holy Ghost could be with me ALWAYS if I was willing to take upon Jesus's name and always remember him and keep his commandments. I tried that promise this week and tried to always have the spirit with me. It was awesome to see the blessings that came from that willingness. The spirit can give so much strength to the weak things of this world.

The Priesthood Sacrament meeting was a way cool experience for me, especially when I considered the blessings of the priesthood. To be honest, I had been kind of struggling with realizing the importance and relevance of the priesthood in my life. I knew that the priesthood power was real, and I really believed that I needed to marry a righteous priesthood holder, but I wasn't exactly sure why I knew that or why it was such a big deal. I have been praying a lot this summer to have my testimony of the priesthood strengthened. This week was a DEFINITE answer to my prayers.

Before the trek, I was able to receive a priesthood blessing from my dad. I can't quite remember what it said, but I felt confident that Heavenly Father would be looking out for me during the week. It helped me to calm down and to start feeling excited for the week ahead.

I was kind of interested to learn that out of all of the Rangers on the trek, only one of them was a member of the Church. His name was Ian and he was my brother's counselor for the week. He got off his mission a year ago from Quebec, so he wasn't just a member of the church -- he was rock solid. I found it so comforting that if anything happened to me, I would be able to ask Ian to give me a priesthood blessing and I could rely upon that protection. Luckily, for the beginning of the week, I didn't need to ask for a blessing. I miraculously avoided injury and painful experiences and was able to have a pretty stellar time in general.

Things got a little more strenuous during the course of the week, but I remained okay. There was one girl in my group, Samantha, that got injured on day 5. It was such a painful thing for her. She was definitely the fastest hiker in the group and I think it frustrated her to have to slow down. As I thought of what I could do to help her, I immediately thought of Ian. Of course, a priesthood blessing would be able to help her! A few of the boys that I became friends with during the week also had the priesthood because they had received their mission calls. Before our devotional on Wednesday night, Samantha was in so much pain. I knew that I needed to hop into action, so I leaped over a few of the benches that separated us and asked her if she had gotten a blessing yet. She hadn't been able to find Ian during the day, but she really desired to have a blessing before she went to bed.

That night, a few of the boy groups and our group were under the roof of a place we had eaten in earlier in the day. I spotted Brandon, one of my friends that I knew had the priesthood, and walked over to him and asked him if he had consecrated oil. He didn't, but he was willing to go and grab Ian (who was at a different campsite). I was so appreciative of his willingness to serve, even though in hindsight, he was probably anxious to get ready for bed. We started our nighttime devotional and learned about the value of having good friends. During a convenient moment in the devotional, I saw Ian and Brandon walk up to our campsite. I paused the devotional and filled Ian in on the situation and he got right to work. He taught Brandon what to say to anoint. A girl in my group was able to grab her brother, Cole, who also held the priesthood, to join in for the blessing.

It was such a special experience for me to hear this blessing. Half way through, I was bawling (and I really don't get that emotional when I feel the spirit anymore). I heard these boys that were my age giving a blessing of comfort and healing to my dear friend. Suddenly, I got it. Of course the priesthood is applicable to me. Of course I need to get married to a man that has the priesthood. It suddenly became the most important thing in the world to me. I needed that protection more than I needed to breathe. I needed to know that the person I would marry would have that power no matter where we were -- whether it be in the mountains of New Mexico or in our home. I needed that power to be near no matter what the external circumstances were ... whether my sweet husband was wearing a white shirt and tie or striped pajamas. After the blessing, I was able to testify to the girls the importance of the priesthood. I felt like my chest was burning within me. I knew that it was not only possible for me to have that with me always, but that it was necessary.

I couldn't fall asleep because I was reflecting on that feeling over and over again. I woke up early in the morning and thought about it. I thought about it during the ten mile hike that day. The fruit of that knowledge was delicious to me. It was not a coincidence that Ian was assigned to be the leader of my crew's sister crew. It was not a coincidence that I became close enough friends with some of the boys that I felt comfortable asking them to use their priesthood on one of my girl's behalf. Heavenly Father was looking out for all of us at that moment, and because I knew he was looking out for us then, my eyes were opened to the times he was looking out for us previously in the week. Truthfully, he was with us always. It was such a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE. I'm afraid I can't give it justice.

3. Views -- I have always loved the mountains. I get chills and cry like a baby when I'm near them. I just can't get over the majesty that accompanies them; God is definitely very near when I am in their midst. I wasn't sure that this love of the mountains would be enough to help me hike through them with a fifty pound pack, however. On the first day, I spent a lot of time looking at my feet. I was really worried that I would twist my feet and die. I was also concerned that if I looked at the steepness of the next switchback, I would lose all confidence in my will to live. Okay, maybe it wasn't that drastic, but I didn't see a lot of the scenery during that part of the hike, and it was really frustrating to me. Part of the little reasons that I was looking forward to the hike was the fact that I would be in my favorite scenery on earth. When we reached the top of that first mountain though, I realized just why I was there. That hike was stinking hard for a weakling like me. But as I looked out at the valley on either side of the summit, I realized how worth it the climb was.

After that moment, I tried to look less at my feet and more at the things around me. I tried to appreciate the little things that were all around me ... the sound of wind, the taste of the mountain air, the wooded meadows. It was all really beautiful when I stopped to look at it. I found myself relating it to my own life. Sometimes I focus on day to day life so much that I lose perspective on what my life is really about. But when I'm able to look out at the wonderful vistas of my life, there is SO much that is beautiful and good.

There was one point in the hike that was incredibly eye opening. It was on the fifth day, and we hiked quite away from our previous campsite. It wasn't a really difficult hike, but it was getting late and it looked like rain clouds were forming. We learned very early that when it looked like rain, the rain would come (and come hard) within the hour. We had just reached one of the posts that we were supposed to encounter before we got into camp, but struggled to find the right trail to take. Carly and Megan were not talking to us that day to show us that were were competent when it came to hiking, but after going down the wrong trail for a thirty minutes, they finally stopped us and turned us around. I was so demoralized, and I could tell that the girls were tired. We had already been rained on earlier in the week, and it seemed that it would happen once again. Camp was forty minutes away and entirely uphill ... it seemed like misery was a certain outcome.

The entire way, our little group was silent. I was praying the entire time (and later learned that everyone else was as well). "Please, stay the storm." I repeated that phrase with every step. It became a cadence for me, especially as we wound around the mountain, endlessly climbing. The relief I felt when we walked into camp was something that I have never experienced before. I was strengthened ... the entire group was strengthened through our combined faith, and we were able to make it into camp with hardly any stops. Even though we saw signs of rain for the rest of the hike, it didn't start to rain until we set our packs down. I quietly cried as we marched into camp and the words of one of my favorite hymns flowed in my mind continuously: "Be still my soul, the waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below." Heavenly Father heard the prayers of ten desperate young women who just wanted to make it to camp safely and comfortably. He has all power and is totally in control of every aspect of life.

4. Camps -- I loved every staff camp that we stayed at throughout the week. The first camp that we hiked to was called Abreau. It was so beautiful and comfortable. There were wonderful places to pee and the activities there were super fun. I was able to milk a goat for the first time, cook dinner in the mountains with a ton of awesome people, and play slaps during down time. It was such a beautiful place. The rest of the camps that we traveled to, we had to hike a long distance to reach. It was such a relief to enter each of these camps, and I found so much energy to participate in the various programs that were available there. At Fish Camp, I was able to play some super fun games and got to know incredible people. At Apache Springs, I took a tour of an Indian Teepee, got a refreshing bucket shower at the sweat huts, took a beautiful side hike to see the sunset over the valley, and got to shoot a bow and arrow. Beaubien was so nice ... it was located in a beautiful place and there were a ton of fun things to do. I looked like an idiot as I learned to throw a lasso, ran around in the mountains to get rid of pent up energy, and watched a kind mediocre but super funny play put on by the staff. Every camp we stayed at was so accommodating and the staff was super nice. During the week, the knowledge that our hikes were not leading us to the middle of nowhere was so comforting. Knowing the destination at the beginning of the hike was awesome. It almost made me want to work at Philmont as a staffer.

5. People -- I feel like I've been rambling about the roses I've had. Sorry readers! If you're still reading, I love you. Because I love you, I'll limit it to five. One of the things that I will always cherish about Philmont are the people that I met and the relationships I developed in super short times. I was able to become so close to all of the girls in my group and the Rangers that were quietly serving us throughout the week. Any time we passed a crew on the trail, I was able to learn a little bit about them (where they were from, how long they'd been out on the trail). There were random crews that stayed in the same campsite as us that I also was able to talk to and got to know. The boy groups that we were with were just incredible. I'm not sure that I was very attractive during the week, but I didn't care. I loved talking to them and really learning more about them and their lives. During the week at Philmont, I became so good at putting names to faces. I also really became a better and more sincere listener. These skills blossomed right before my eyes and I imagine that they are going to help me so much in the future!

Buds

There is so much more that I could talk about. SO MANY INCREDIBLE THINGS. But I've already been typing for hours and hours ... and I'm pretty tired. I am so grateful for my experience at Philmont. I am grateful that I now cannot physically waste food. I am grateful for the testimony I gained of the Priesthood and it's importance in my life. I am grateful for the knowledge I now have that I can do hard things with Jesus Christ. I am grateful daily, now, for all of the little things in my life. I am so much more anxious to rely on Heavenly Father in everything I do. These, and many more, are all things that I have taken home with me from the week. Every day was difficult, but every day was worth it. Now that I'm home, all I've been thinking about are the beautiful mountains and the wonderful spirit I felt while I was at Philmont. I've experienced the Missouri mugginess and mosquitoes and rolling hills. I wanna go back to Philmont, back to God's country. Here's to life changing experiences. Here's to the beauty that surrounds us every day if we'll only look. Here's to thee, Philmont.

cutting it off

Yesterday, I did something that swore I would never do ...

I cut off my EFY bracelet.

It was a traumatic experience that had to be done; the band was cutting into my hand, making it unbearable to do anything. I felt fear as I pulled out the nearest kiddie scissors to seal the deal, and I'm not exactly sure why. Was it fear of not having it there to comfort me when my events of the day were upsetting? Actually -- I'm diving into my subconscious when I say this -- I think it is because I am terrified of forgetting. I have had nightmares where I walk through stacks of books looking for anything about my life, but since I haven't written anything there is nothing to be found. I hate clutter but anything that holds any sort of sentimental value is tucked carefully away into two or three boxes.

I'm a little ridiculous.

Any who, as I was snipping away at the band, I felt like there was huge symbolism in what I was doing. These past few weeks at school I have been painfully missing EFY. As I sat doing my homework, I would think to myself about how long it had been since EFY and then would replay my favorite parts like a faded VHS. But this was no substitute for actually living life, so my initial happiness that came with remembering was kind of false. I had a similar reaction when we got home from China -- I was just so stinkin' scared to forget. So, once I had a legitimate excuse, I took scissors to the thing that reminded me the most (every day, every second of every day) of my experiences. And when I cut it off, I felt a strange relief.

I think it was a realization that I don't need to literally be attached to that bracelet anymore. I have a meticulous journal that I kept during the summer. I have tons of pictures. I have this blog. I even have a painting on my wall. Anytime I missed anything about EFY, I could just come to these. Cutting my bracelet cut me off from the numbness of accepting the here and now and really helped me to visually picture what it means to live in the present -- remembering the past and looking to the future.

My bracelet now resides in my little box at the side of my bed. It's becoming fast friends with my travel brochures from China and letters from my friends and family. And every once in a while, I peek in to make sure it's real.

Because, after all, this is EFY we're talking about.

moo.

COW -- noun, AKA crush of the week. The only decent explanation that I could find of it is (and I quote) "Umm... well it's just alot of kids find others they like at EFY and get crushes really fast I guess. :D I think it's easier since you know most of the kids there are, you know, good LDS kids that want to live the gospel, and who's not attracted to that! So when you do get a crush we call them COWs. It's just an EFY thing :)" So eloquent! But it fits my purpose, haha. 

When I was a first year EFY participant, I was so blatantly naive to boys. I had just gotten over a messy, messy two years of middle school and I really had no desire to have anything to do with guys at all. Luckily, the boys in my first year group were so stellar. Actually, I have been blessed every year with guys that have helped me to learn some KEY lessons in my life. Let's take a journey through the years, shall we?

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My first year of EFY, as I've said before, was bizarre boy wise. I had no idea what a COW was and I really didn't care. I had pretty cruddy self esteem and really didn't like the idea of Mormon boys. I have no clue why now, I just liked shaggy haired, skater, punky boys. Oh my goodness, that is so weird to think about now.

Okay, focus. The first day we met our boys, I found myself warming up to the idea of liking someone for only a week. Even though when I look at the picture now, we look like babies, I thought the guys in our group were hunks. There was especially one boy in our group that I liked way more than the rest. I guess he was my crush of the week, but I didn't realize that at the time.

It got pretty bad as the week progressed. I found myself in a group with all of the girls and then he would walk by. As he would walk by I would stop talking/laughing/being normal and I would just stare at him. So creepy. I don't think he reciprocated my feelings. But I learned an IMPORTANT lesson from him that week.

I learned that boys can be nice and respectful -- that they can show emotion and laugh and have fun with me.  Before that, I don't think I had ever had a guy sincerely compliment me. Nor had I ever danced every slow song at a dance. I truly felt beautiful while I was at EFY, even though my fashion sense was questionable and it was 1000 degrees. I also learned that it is super important for us girls to respect and honor those with the priesthood. It was such an eye opener! I vowed that week that I would never even start to look at guys that I couldn't get married in the temple with and ever since that moment, I have loved Mormon boys.

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The next year, I went to two different sessions, which meant two times the COWs, right? Actually, this year, I decided that having a COW was just too limiting on my experiences with others. So I determined to make every boy my COW. And it was a smashing success. All of the boys in my group in Provo were sooooooo fun! There were only a few of them (compared to the 24 girls we had) but I still managed to have a blast with the boys. I felt so much wiser and mature and I really felt like I took on talking to the boys in stride. It was still a little bit of the awkward segregation between boys and girls, but what can you do? I don't have any decent pictures from EFY in Nauvoo, but it was the same situation. There weren't many of the guys, (I think there were only 5!) and I was determined to be fun and bubbly, but not to serious with anyone. And not surprisingly, I had a great time! Although, it really felt like I was missing out on something when I didn't have any COW at all. Surely there was balance! Again and again, the spirit would witness to me when I was with these boys that eternal families are SO important and that I was worth something! Over and over again, I would be hit with an assurance that if I stayed true to the covenants I had made, I could have a lovely little family with a guy that was just as studly as the friends I had made at EFY.

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Ahhhhhh ... when I think of righteous Priesthood holders, I can't help but think of my group last year. It was really different being in the older group, probably because these were technically people I could prospectively date. There were SOOOOOOO many studs in our group that it was hard to even imagine having just one COW. Every single guy in our group was solid. They so obviously had testimonies of the gospel and it was so attractive. Okay, I'm done gushing for a while. But seriously, I learned a ton from these guys -- I am so grateful to them! They were stellar examples of what I want in a husband. But I went through the week thinking, I must not have a COW. Pizza night came and went and I still hadn't paired off with anyone. This was the first time during my EFY history that I thought to myself, maybe I have the wrong idea about COWs. After all, it was just for a week and it wasn't like I was ever going to see these people again.

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This next one is going to seem biased-ly long ... It all happened less than two weeks ago. Keep that in mind.

As the life went on for the rest of the year, I had a ton of time to think. There was a lot of time for Facebook stalking and dating and experiencing life. I loved my year, and I grew so much in so many ways! I learned who I really am and I flourished in that knowledge. It really boosted my confidence to levels that I had never felt before. But I felt like something was off. I felt so confident in who I was, but it seemed like guys weren't reacting as well to how I acted. Although it didn't bug me too much, because I wasn't going to let boys determine how I felt about myself, I wondered what was so wrong with being me ... and I started to think in my head that I would never be able to have stellar guys like me. I'm 100% positive that this thought was just an overly dramatic teenager thing, but I'm also very sure that it was real to me for a very large part of the year.

I started to pray about where I needed to be for EFY. 500 mile radius, correct time frame, the spirit ... it all had to be there for me to commit. That seems really silly, but I feel like Heavenly Father knows where we need to be and when we need to be there.

On a whim, I started working on putting together a Mormon.org profile. On another whim, I posted it to Facebook. I love sharing the gospel so much, and Facebook makes it ten times easier! After I had posted it, I got a random wall post from my EFY 2011 friend, Heath. He just said that he had read my profile and that it made him want to be a better person. I appreciated this so much! After some back and forth commenting, he suggested that I come to Bloomington, with the promise that he wouldn't talk to me much so I could still make a ton of friends. I thought about it for a while -- like, three days. And then I felt and assurance that Bloomington was where I needed to be.

Months before EFY, I started praying that I would be able to have a great experience. I prayed for my company months before I even met them, I prayed for my counselor, I prayed for the session director, and I prayed for me. I wanted to be in a place at my life where I would be able to be helpful and that I would be able to make a difference in other's lives. I had some awesome experiences as I was praying that helped me to know that everything would be okay and that it would work out for my good.

As the weeks got nearer and nearer, I felt like I was ready. Physically, I had been working out every morning to prepare for all of the walking. Mentally, I had been reading tons of great books about the prophets that taught me a ton about how to be a good person. Spiritually, I had been making an extra effort to delve into the scriptures more, with added sessions of General Conference and supplements from Preach My Gospel. Emotionally, I prepared myself once again not to have a COW and made an extra effort to serve those who were in need. I prayed that the work I put into preparing into EFY would produce fabulous results.

When I went to Cincinnati, I felt like EVERYONE knew each other and weren't sad to leave because they would see each other again at Mormon Prom and Super Saturdays. I wanted so badly to create those same, lasting friends, but I couldn't get it out of my mind that I would never see these people again. That's why this year I was super excited! Not only did I know my sister, but I knew Heath, Connor, Taylor, and Maddie! I knew it wasn't a huge group of people, and the chances that we would see each other much at all were slim, but that was enough to make me feel like a part of EFY before it even happened.

The check in line was crazy, even at exactly 11 o'clock. I craned my neck looking for anybody I knew, but I couldn't find anyone. I walked through the line in an excited daze, making polite conversation with the people in front of me. When we got into the door, I saw Taylor and then Heath and Connor. The whole week really seems like a blur, but I remember some awkward conversation and hugging, and then I was pulling my fifty pounds of luggage onto the elevator.

I met my roommate, and then we met our counselor and the other girls in our group. At this point, I was beyond thrilled. The girls in our group were so cute -- basically righteous babes. We met up with the other group of girls (there were 24 of us!) and then headed down to our company spot. As I was walking, I couldn't help but look for the people I knew. It was way harder than the hardest game of Where's Waldo. We sat down in our company spot and waited ... and then our boys came.

Don't they just look like they define righteous studs? I was so surprised when I saw that Heath and Connor were in my group! I worried that because I knew them I wouldn't really get to know the other guys, but I managed to spend a ton of time with everyone in the group. Like I said way earlier in this post (IT'S SO LONG NOW! I'm sorry!!) I have been blessed with great guy examples at EFY. I loved the guys in my group so much this year. Each and every one of them were such great examples to me! I know that they are going to make fantastic missionaries and husbands and leaders.

As the week progressed, I found myself in groups with Heath a lot. We'd have ukulele jam sessions and water drinking contests and we went to a few classes together. I just attributed this to the fact that we had already known each other before the session, so it wasn't weird at all. I still was on a good track to keep my record of not having a COW. Even at pizza night, where all of the girls confess their COWs, I said that I didn't have one. Everyone scoffed at me, but I really felt that it was true. I don't exactly know when that started to change.

Near the end of the week I would call my mom and say, "Heath and I did this today and it was soo fun!" I loved that we had become such great friends during the week. I had gained so much respect for him because I saw him quietly serving people through the week and bearing his testimony. He was always so happy and genuinely nice to everyone and I noticed.

On Friday, before the dance, we took so many pictures. It was so fun to capture the faces of everyone I had gotten so close to during the week. Heath and I took some pictures with our ukuleles after everyone had already gone off to the dance and then we went to put our stuff away. We placed the ukuleles lovingly down on the floor (mine is like my baby) and then he pulled out a balloon with a cow drawn on it from his backpack. I think I was a little confused, and I can't remember much of what happened next, but he explained that I was his cow and I said that he was mine. I hadn't said anything to anyone about how I felt the entire week, but at that moment I realized he was my COW. I was surprised at how easily I identified it. It wasn't with any creepy stalker, I seriously love you and want to get married, feelings, but I just liked him. It was a pretty cute moment, if I do say so myself.

I don't know what I even felt at that moment. It might have been joy, but I actually think it was insane amounts of gratitude. I felt so secure with who I was and it was bliss. The rest of the night was really exhilarating.  There was a lot of hugging, I love/miss you's, you're such a stud's, and crying that night, but I mostly felt happy. I loved knowing that the gospel was TRUE! I loved everyone in my company, and since most of us are going to the same college, I felt like everything would be okay and that we'd all see each other again, even if it was at our 120 year reunion in heaven.

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And that's a wrap! A comprehensive history of all the guys I've been impressed with for the past four years. Even with the length, it still seems a little pathetic, I admit, but I have no regrets. I am so grateful for the EFY program. I am super, super, super grateful for the examples that the guys in my group have given me. COWs are temporary -- they are of the weekly variety after all-- but I have learned eternal lessons from each experience I have had with them, even when I was a self proclaimed vegetarian. I have learned about respect, both towards myself and others. I have learned how to interact with others better. I have learned NEVER to settle. I'm sure that in 20 years when I am married with kids I will still be thanking these righteous men in my life that have been such great teachers and examples.

The ABC's of With A Loud Voice

Awkward games

Hagoo, Pterodactyl, Foot Twister ... my face muscles are still hurting.

Best Cheer Ever
When we were trying to pull our group cheer together, I was a little wary of how ours would turn out. The "Holy Ghost" was able to help us out however, and it ended up being really cool. Like, one of the coolest things I have ever been a part of.

Cows
Eating cows and EFY cows are very different things. It's not an unpleasant difference. COW stands for Crush of the Week, and it is almost impossible to go through EFY without having one. Something about the chemistry of a new situation, yadda, yadda. A post is coming, I promise.

Dancing Shoes
This year was the best dancing year for me. Does it help that I spent a couple of hours the Saturday before practicing the EFY dance moves? Of course. One thing that I have always loved about EFY is how enthused everyone is about life! It totally shows in these dances, because there is hardly an occupied seat on the sidelines -- and everyone sweats buckets.

Eating the Lovely Food

Okay, lovely is a bit of an overstatement. But I think meals were one of the funnest times to get to know our company. Banana eating and water contests, crawling under the tables, singing, playing the ukelele ... we had a lot of fun.

Fountains

During the little free time we did have, some people in our group went to the fountains. It was SO hot the whole week, and the water was really, really enticing. So, even though picture taking and the dance was coming up, we ran through. It was so worth it!

Gospel Study

The Gospel Study this year was incredible. Everyone in our group had such great insights and I was able to feel the spirit teach me the things I needed to know. It's so fun to get into the scriptures and find things that you are looking for.

Her name is Jesssss ...

Jessica was my counselor this year and I loved her so much! She was so stinkin' hilarious and a great example. If anyone deserved to have a song written about themselves, it was her.

Indiana
It's no secret that I travel far for EFY. I am so glad that I was able to go to Indiana this year. It seems like Heavenly Father just knows when and where I'm supposed to be. The five and a half hours in the car were a little rough, but all in all, the state of Indiana has proven itself to be pretty awesome.

Jogging up the Stairs
When you live on the eighth floor in a building with several hundred people and only two elevators, there is a logistical problem. With lines longer than Disney World to get onto the elevators, our group almost always opted to take the stairs. In order to beat the people that were on the elevators, we spiced things up and ran up, up, up the stairs. It was sooooo exhausting, but was a good way to let out crazy energy.

Kumcha, kumcha, kumcha
Bunny, bunny is a game that I have played before. It was almost as cool as Big Bootie in my eyes until I came to EFY this year. When you throw 40 people together, it makes it 40 times more fun. I think that rhythm is implanted in my brain.

Lots of love
I really felt like this year, our group was like family. It was so cool to look at everyone on the last day and see how much we were going to miss each other. It's really crazy how week long relationships feel and are so important in our lives. I swear, every time I log into FB, I see another status about how much we miss each other.

Missionary Rapper
This guy was one cool cat. I loved the emphasis that they put on Missionary Work this year! It was such an empowering feeling to know that I can share the gospel anywhere, anytime. I'm so excited to be a missionary!

Naps
Because I was home schooled this year, naps have become a pretty regular part of my life. I missed them so much at EFY! It seemed like we were always going, which didn't leave much room for nap time. Although the picture above was totally posed, you have no idea how hard it was to get back up.

Old EFY Medley?
The EFY Medley is one of my favorite parts of EFY. There is something really nostalgic about swaying in a circle and singing it with tears in your eyes. So when I flipped back to the section where is normally is in order to doodle hearts and gospel-y things, I was SHOCKED to see that it wasn't there anymore. That instead it had a mix up of Called to Serve and I am a Child of God. Hmmm. After some searching, one of my friends told me that it was a copyright issue and that we weren't allowed to sing it anymore. Say what?! Luckily, copyright couldn't erase the song from our hearts and we were able to have a tender moment after our last devotional ... but really now.

Pizza Night
Pizza night is the stuff of legend during EFY. It's right after the team building game night and so morale is super high. Is there an ingredient in pizza that makes you giddy? Or maybe there is one that makes you want to talk about every secret you've ever had. Whatever is in that pizza, it's a ton of fun. This picture was taken on Friday morning, right after we woke up to balloons and a pizza box message from the guys in our group. I got into the room a little later and all I could hear was "AWWWWWW" or "Oh my goodness, this is TOO CUTE!" As someone who had no clue what was going on, this was really hilarious.

Questions Answered
I don't know if this is the case for everyone, but I come to EFY with a purpose. Usually I have a list of questions that I feel like I need to know, and when I make an effort to look for answers, I always find them. This year, I decided not to write down questions for some reason that I can't remember, but as I listened I was able to find answers to questions that I didn't know I had.

Roommates are rad
Because I go to EFY alone every year, roommates are a pretty questionable part of EFY. I've never been disappointed, but I've heard some horror stories about things that have happened. I pray every year that when I go to EFY, my roommate will be beyond awesome. This year my prayers were answered! I loved Karlie so much! She was so cute, and really fun to talk to. We would stay up when the lights were out and talk about everything from boys to our favorite scriptures. When we both woke up at 4:30, we would read our scriptures together and say morning prayers together. We were pretty cool!

Spirit
One of the cool things about EFY is how much you can feel the spirit. I would feel it at the weirdest times. It was just a quiet tug at my heart that helped me to know the things I heard were true. I felt the spirit during the musical program. I felt the spirit when we were in classes. I felt the spirit as I prayed. Our session director, Brother Beynon, showed us this video, and I felt the spirit testify to me that I am a daughter of Heavenly Father. It really is such a blessing in my life.

Testimonies
We had a goal as a company to bear or write down our testimony during this week. It was an incredible experience to be in a room with my company and to feel their testimonies. When I stop to think about it, I feel empowered. The gospel makes me so HAPPY and I love bearing my testimony because I want others to know how it can change their lives and help them to be happy as well.

Ukeleles
I wasn't going to bring my ukelele this week. After all, I had only just gotten it a few weeks earlier and I didn't want to look like an amateur. I am so glad I ended up bringing it in the last second. I still looked like an amateur, but everyone in our group just ate up the ukelele. There were at least three that said that they wanted to get one as soon as they got home. There were some other kids from different camps at the cafeteria that I overheard saying, "Do Mormons get to play ukeleles?" The ukelele is just such a happy instrument and I love seeing others happy because of it.

Variety Show
This year I was determined to be more involved at EFY. I've always done the musical program, but I've never tried out for a solo or been in the variety show. The time to sign up for a solo came and went, but one morning, I let it slip that I could eat a banana really quickly. After I demonstrated a couple of times, the counselor in charge of the variety show walked by. I tried to protest, but after some gentle prodding, I was in. During the actual variety show, I beat my PR! When I saw I had eaten a "whole fiscal banana" in ten seconds, I was shocked. I guess there is talent in life if you look hard enough for it! :)

With a LOUD Voice
I loved us so much. Our name came from a scripture from Revelations that talks about sharing the gospel with a loud voice to everyone. We really were examples of what it means to be loud! It was so cool to see how much the gospel meant to everyone in our group, and I know that we're going to be such a powerful force for good as we get older and right NOW.

eXamples
There were so many good examples at this EFY session for me. Everywhere I turned I saw people smiling, serving, and rising above challenges that they faced. I loved being able to see their lights shine and it really strengthened my testimony!

Yesssssssssssssssssss!
Okay, I kind of ran out of things to say for this one. I guess this is just how I feel about the whole week. :) First, the video from Napolean Dynamite is classy. Second, Hope of Israel is my new favorite song because it sums up how awesome the youth of the church are.

Zealously Righteous
When EFY is over, it's usually a sad thing. Where else do you get to be with so many incredibly awesome people where you don't have to be around the worlds influence? This Sunday, I was thinking about how much I miss EFY and was reading in Alma. When I saw this verse, I imagined everyone in our group going out and doing good. I could see how the Lord has favored me in my life and I just felt so ecstatic. Leaving EFY wasn't sad at all after that. I felt so on fire to let everyone see the zeal I have for the Gospel.

EFY 2012

After I saw this video on Wednesday, this was all I could say when I looked at myself in the mirror or even thought about how happy I was. This EFY was incredible! I love my life, I love my friends, I love my hair, I love the Gospel, I love me!

I don't know how I can put into words how I feel about this EFY. I have been praying for MONTHS for it to be exactly what I needed, and lo and behold, it was PERFECT. Seriously, my testimony on the power of prayer has been strengthened so much because as I would pray, I would receive answers in such a way that I knew that it had to be from God.

He really loves me!

Anywho, I think I'll do a few posts on EFY this year, just so I can cover all of the bases -- goals, group, and individuals.

Get ready blogger. There's a positive storm brewing. :)

EFY 2011

I've already blogged about this session of EFY in Cincinnati. Could it be that it's been a year since I've been blogging? How the time flies!

I have pretty much run out of creative ideas to show how awesome EFY is.

Here is the only journal entry I wrote that week during that session. It changed my life, and I was only able to write it because EFY is incredible. The people at that session made me want to go back to somewhere I would know people (I'm going to Bloomington this year). The session director was inspired. My counselor was one of the most inspiring people I have ever met. That year's session was the culmination of everything I have been working for in my life so far.

July 13th, 2011

I am at EFY and I have been awful at keeping a journal. Sorry, posterity! But I had a really special experience today that I feel like I need to write down.

Today was our last day of classes. :( I was attending Randal Wright's class about making goals to help shape our lives and as I thought of goals I wanted to make in my life, I thought of the next year at school. I want to run cross-country, participate in drama ... I want to. As this ever growing list was going through my head, I thought, I need to be homeschooled (because that was the most obvious choice). That thought kept growing in my mind and I couldn't suppress it. What if it was the spirit? I said a quick prayer to Heavenly Father asking if I had just received revelation. I felt good, but I still had questions. Why? How? Could I get into college if I was homeschooled? But I felt okay.

Later, I prayed to know, earnestly, if this was what Heavenly Father wanted me to do with my life. As I read a few things in the scriptures and in my Patriarchal Blessing, I felt the spirit confirm that it was. I bawled like a baby. Gena also gave a devotional on following the inspiration of the spirit and I felt like that was for me! I love EFY!

EFY 2010 (NAUVOO)

Continuing with my lovely EFY series (since I will be at camp for the remainder of this week), I bring to you EFY 2010 (NAUVOO). One more weekly entry and then it will be EFY 2012!! PS. Girl's Camp happened this last week, and there will probably be a blog post for that as well. So much to look forward too!

These are actually my journal entries from the event ... as it was happening. I have to say, this was the BEST year I have ever done journaling EFY.

August 8th, 2010

School starts this week, but I'm skipping. Eh, I don't care, all they do is talk about rules anyways. I'm actually pretty glad!

10:30 PM -- Still August 8th

I'm not packed yet! Oh no! :O It's actually a'ight. I just need to pack my clothes & extras and I'll be done! Yeah! I'm getting a tad excited!!

August 9th

Yay! I'm at EFY & and I'm pumped! Once again we have to saw the boys in half (there are only 5!) but it's still cool. I'm so glad to be here! My counselor is Jessie and she is super! The others are Ammon and Kayla who are also amazing.

Our room was born to party. Everyone is AMAZING. EFY is going to be perfect. It's actually extremely hot today and it's hard to talk and think at the same time, but the south -- now that is hot, hotter than a hot tamale. (I'm guessing this is in reference to my favorite Sesame Street song, Hace Calor).


August 10th

Gospel Study -- I was pretty against saying something when we brought it back, but I felt like I should read JSH 1:26. It filled me with the spirit as I shared it. I know that when I ACT on what I learn and feel, I will gain a testimony like Joseph Smith's.

August 11th

I've been waking up super early this week and I love it. I think I'm becoming sort of a morning person! I have felt the spirit so much here, despite the groups negativity. Beth, Hannah, Louisiana, and I went shopping yesterday and now we're pretty tight.

We also had the best pizza night EVER! There was a boom box and super fun dancing. It's pretty great that we're the party room, I've decided.

I finished JSH! It was actually pretty incredible. Not only was Joseph Smith a stud, but a prophet, too!

We just went to the Nauvoo Cemetary (look up the talk Sister Dalton gave on We Did it for You). It was so incredible. The spirit I've felt there confirms to me that those spirits are sacred and are in the rest of Heavenly Father. I felt prompted to read Come, Come Ye Saints and I am so fantastically amazed at the trials the Saints faced, but they still could say, "All is well."

On the banks of the Mississippi, I know the church is true. As I stood by Joseph Smith's grave, I knew that he was a prophet of God. It's true. All of it!

I just had an incredible experience when  I was walking down Parley Street. Brother Hollist told us that during the dedicatory session of the Nauvoo Temple, President Hinckley challenged them to walk down Parley Street and to imagine they had a young family. I accepted that challenge. While thinking about my family (as I type this, I can still feel what I felt then) I suddenly saw myself holding a man's hand and a little child's, while my husband held a baby. I felt the Spirit testify to me that I could have a family like that if I stayed true to the gospel.

As I looked back on the temple, I imagined myself and my little family having to leave everything we had worked for to go to a unknown Zion. An incredible sadness took over me but also a feeling that seemed to shout, ALL IS WELL. Also, I felt that the reason we would be willing to go is because all of it is true! What an incredible experience!

I've walked down Parley Street a thousand times, but I have never felt that close to the spirit while in the process. Wow.

There is a replica of the Christus statue in the Nauvoo visitor's center, and that's where I'm sitting currently. The Savior's arms are reaching out to me and it seems so inviting. If only I could hug him now. I need to do all I can to meet him, and then he will take me by the hand. For a minute I felt so imperfect. And then I realized that the prints on his hands and feet were sculpted into the statue. Isn't that what repentance is all about? His love for us is incredible.

I talked to a Sister Missionary at Sunset on the Mississippi and asked her if her mission was worth it. She said that is was, and also that if I prepare for a mission now, I will always be worthy later!

August 12th

We toured the Church History sites today, and I loved it! The senior missionaries related everything to the gospel, which proves that all things denote there is a God.

After that, we went to the temple. That was a great experience. When we went in, I could feel my happiness increase because I knew that I was worthy to enter the temple. The temple is so beautiful! I want and need to get married there. My eternal family is truly the most important thing in my life.

Oh, by the way, I was waiting to be confirmed and a random thought entered my mind. Joseph Smith walked in the same place that I was sitting. He was there! I love that man so much and being here has increased that love 12800124 time bigger. I hope I can continue to increase that love to infinity.

August 13th

The dance was pretty incredible. I went crazy! But I want to talk about what happened before the dance. It was pouring rain while we were in transit, but my friends and I sang There is Sunshine in My Soul the whole way there. It was so much funner than if we had moped the whole time. I love being happy. I am so excited to go home to prove that I can make it! I want this spirit to stay with me for the rest of eternity.