Faith is like jumping off of a cliff and hoping that either a) Heavenly Father is building a much more stable ledge somewhere close enough to land or b) He's figuring out a way to teach you to fly. Faith requires so much trust for Heavenly Father, and I have come to the conclusion that the only way to really be able to develop that trust is to go through experiences where God is the only way to move forward.
I'm not going to lie -- these past couple of weeks, I've probably exercised my faith more than I've been able to actually get out and exercise my body.
"But why?" you might ask. "Everything is going great for you! You're at your dream school, you got your dream job ... why do you need faith in a moment when things are so good?" I've asked myself the same question a million times ... and this week, I thought of an answer.
The truth: it takes faith to leave a good thing.
I've been thinking about our life before we came to the earth. We had it GOOD there! We lived with Heavenly Father and knew him and life must have been pretty great ... except that it was impossible to reach our full potential unless we left that GOOD LIFE for something better ahead. Leaving that behind must have been a HUGE act of faith, especially considering that we had no guarantee that we would go through life without trials.
With that lack of knowledge, we jumped ... and I am confident that the experiences we are having on earth are helping us to fly to levels of happiness that we could never imagine.
Similar to leaving our pre-mortal life of splendor (but probably not as big of a deal) was my decision to leave Rexburg, Idaho. I was so content at BYU-Idaho. I knew people EVERYWHERE I went. I knew how to interact with them. I was doing so well in my classes. I had a full-ride scholarship. My brother was there. I had a great ward.
It was good.
But I knew that I needed to leave, somehow knowing that I could never reach my true potential unless I started living outside of my comfort zone again. I felt guided by Heavenly Father to take that jump and come down to Provo, leaving behind loved ones, financial aide, and the promise of academic ease. It took some crazy faith to believe that God was working to make my life better than good ... that he was in the details to making my life extraordinary.
I am happy to say that I have seen God's hand more than ever in my life after my decision to take a step into the uncertainty of my future. I am still so uncertain about so many things, but I am beginning to see the beautiful blessings that come from trusting in Heavenly Father's tiny micro-plan for tiny old me. They are abundant and real.
He has raised me up to thrive at BYU ...
He has helped me to find amazing people to associate with.
He gracefully allowed me to get my job AT THE MTC.
I feel so incredibly blessed! Even with those blessings, however, being in Provo still requires the daily decision of faith in good things to come. In Christ (who is sometimes call a good priest of high things to come), I have a pretty good foundation to rely on.
If you are facing a leap that seems terrifying, take heart. Life will almost never pan out exactly as expected, but I promise that God is a perfect architect of happiness. He is already working to build a future for those that trust in Him that is better than good.
For half of it, I was on my mission in Chile. This was definitely a highlight composed of thousands of little daily highlights. I can't begin to mention all of the wonderful bright spots my mission brought to my life. Just like everyone promised me, I think about my mission every day. I dream about my mission every day. It continues to be a huge part of my life. I love the people of Chile. The challenges that I faced on a daily basis, paired with the immense grace I was able to feel from Heavenly Father, helped to change and define who I was as a person.
Sadly, but also awesomely, I came home to experience the biggest challenge of my life. My life. I was at home to see my sister Savannah get her mission call to Bakersfield, California. I went to the temple with her. I taught Sunbeams (the five year olds at church) about repentance and how to appreciate clothes. I spent some time finally learning to knit and getting caught up on the pop culture I missed during my 18 month service as a missionary.
I went to school at BYUI. I was called as the Relief Society president. I made so many friends that shaped and influenced me to become a better person. I learned more about myself and what I want for my future. My classes stretched and helped me to view the world with different eyes. I got closer to Heavenly Father in so many ways -- through scripture study and prayer. I started the process of applying to become an EFY counselor.
It was a beautiful year.
I love it when a New Year happens. It offers a new start -- no matter how crazy a year has been, a new year gives new opportunities. No matter how wonderful a year has been, a new year can hold the promise of a year that is even more spectacular.
It is amazing to think that EVERY PERSON HAS BEEN GIVEN THE SAME 365 DAYS THIS YEAR! But what I made of my year is completely different than the next person because of the choices I did or didn't make. I want to use my time more efficiently this next year in order to learn, grow, and experience even more than I was able to this past year.
It's quite the challenge -- because, like I said, I had a pretty stinking incredible year. But I have a couple of goals for 2016 that I want to accomplish.
So, without further ado, my goals!
1. I am going to get control of my finances! The apostles counseled about this in the past General Conference, so I am going to learn to live by a budget and the principle of SAVING money! Dave Ramsey tapes, here I come.
2. I am going to eat healthily and work out every day. I really want to start forming healthy habits so that it will be easier for me to maintain in the future. I plan on following a meal calendar and taking advantage of the workout classes that are offered at BYUI.
3. I am going to blog once a week! I feel like blogging would offer me a good time to think introspectively and focus on the big lessons that I learn throughout the year.
4. Spiritually, I want to prepare better to keep the Sabbath Day holy by reading the lessons for each class before Sunday. Also, I want to attend the temple once a week!
There are a lot of other things that I want to accomplish in 2016, but for now, I feel like this is a good list to work on! Wow! The potential awesomeness of this year is hitting me right now. I am so grateful that each day is a blank slate that I can write my story on each day. I am especially grateful to Jesus Christ who made that possible. He makes every day possible!
Can I just say that I love the church? I love this gospel so so so much.
We had a super awesome experience this week. Hermana Quintana is a master teacher. She is sooo good at being a missionary. We were teaching one of our investigators this week ... she is an active Evangelical lady that comes to our church in the morning and then has to run out to attend her church in the afternoon. But she is awesome. She keeps her commitments and is willing to follow whatever the voice of the Lord tells her.
Our lesson for the day was about the Plan of Salvation. We asked her how she had felt reading the Book of Mormon, and she said that the only feeling that she felt was fear. Uhhh, not the thing that you want to hear from an investigator, butchaknow ... we talked about the spirit and said a prayer and started to talk about the Plan of Salvation. When we got to this life on earth, Silvia (the name of the investigator) looked at the steps ... faith, repentance, baptism, the holy ghost ... and Hermana Quintana asked, "Where are you at right now?" Silvia looked at us and said ... "Well, I have been baptised ... but I don't feel like I have the Holy Ghost." She started to cry.
She came to the conclusion that the path that she has been on up to this moment isn't the right one. The Spirit told her in that moment that the church is true and that she needed to be a part of it. It was such a cool thing to experience. Hermana Quintana and I were walking in shock the whole rest of the day. Silvia has fecha to be baptised on the 25th of April.
Mini Cambio Girls
I went to Lirquen on a mini cambio this week. The girls over there are doing sooo much better. Since last cambio's crazy drama, things feel so much better. I was so impressed by the drive that all of the hermanas have to keep working working working ... to take advantage of every minute. That drive is something that is so important in missionary work. You have to be motivated by something higher than numbers and getting glory at home. I feel like I am pushed forward every day by something deeper than anything I can describe. It is an awesome feeling.
Sister study session. Our group is HUGE.
Really, the most exciting thing that happened this week was GENERAL CONFERENCE. I have been looking forward to this for so so so long. I didn't really have any burning questions that I wanted answered ... I just wanted the Spirit to teach me and testify to me that the church is true. Boy oh boy did I feel the spirit.
I learned a couple of things that really really made a difference. First of all ... I don't know if you caught on, but all of the talks on Saturday had so much to do with eternal marriage. Every single person said, "Eternal marriage between a man and a woman." (This freaked Hermana Quintana out ... because she is going to have to be thinking about that in 4 more weeks when she goes home). But I really did feel the spirit testify to me the importance of temple marriages. The importance of making sacred covenants in the temple. I am not trunky. I am not pining over every single thing that will happen after the mission, but I know and feel comfort in the fact that I am not going to settle for anything less than an eternal family. That is what I want for all of my investigators as well. I just want them to get to the temple!!
Some hills in Lirquen. The hills are crazy.
I love the basic principles of the gospel that the General Authorities taught. I loved that they used so many scripture stories. I loved Jeffrey R. Holland's talk (obviously). That story that he told about the two brothers gave me chills. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for the gift of his son. I am so grateful for Jesus Christ. What a wonderful way to remember Him by having conference on Easter Sunday! I know that he lives!!
General Conference!!
Not much new to report today. I am loving life. We are reaching our goals every day and are working hard to see the hand of the Lord in all things. I love you all SOOO SOOO SOOOO MUCH!! :) Have a great week!!
Love,
Laney
Bishop Vargas and his wife, Rosa.
Our Testigos de Jehova hats. All of the Jehovah's Witnesses wear these babies.
Welp, we got news of cambios today. I was feeling a little unsure of what was going to happen ... I feel good about my work that I have done in Frutillares, and I was pretty sure I was going to leave on a good note. Imagine my surprise when Elder Calizaya told me, "You're going to be staying here for another cambio!" I couldn't really talk. I looked over at Hermana Caceres ... I am grateful to still be with her! We are going to keep on chugging in this little Rama. I am praying for a lot of strength and a lot of excitement ... if you could pray for that, too ... I would appreciate it.
This week was really, really slow in preparation for General Conference. It is amazing how different conference feels as a missionary. It is something sooo vital and so exciting! But a lot of wonderful things happened this week to make up for it.
We had a mini cambio this week! I was with Hermana Heslop and we had such a great time. It seems like we were just on a mini cambio ... but I loved it! Hermana Heslop has been such a great help for me in my mission and I am grateful for her example. There are a few things that I struggle with as a missionary that I have always wanted to improve (verification, commitments, etc.) and when I see the examples of other great missionaries, it gives me the motivation and the will-power that I need to change.
I don't really know what to write this week. It was a lot of the same things of every week! We are working hard with the members and are working on finding people that are going to progress. Heavenly Father is really helping us in that aspect. He is always preparing His children -- and he always has been ... Sometimes, we just have to wait to see the progress. This week, we had a zone class and I felt good about the work that we have done here. We are really doing the very best that we can.
General Conference was incredible! It is sooo awesome to think that I was watching the same conference talks that you guys were watching at the exact same time. When we sang the songs together ... the same thing. How powerful is that??
First of all, I got an answer about where I need to go to college. I have to go back to BYUI. I have to go back. I don't remember who was speaking or what was being said, but I felt pretty stinking sure that it was what I needed to do. As I was praying about this answer the other night, I told Heavenly Father, "You know, I am willing to do whatever you want me to do. I am willing to go where ever you want me to go. Just help me to know what you want and I'll do it." And He told me. He wants me to be at BYUI. Even though when I made my lists of pros and cons and BYU won by a landslide. Even though all of my friends from the mission are going to be attending BYU after the mission. I promise that my answer has nothing to do with boys ... I specifically took out that aspect because I didn't want my decision to be based on any person. So ... I guess that changes things a little bit.
I also LOVED the talk that Richard G. Scott gave. The Sunday afternoon session was awesome! I really was touched by the simple tools that God has given us to be able to receive His help in our lives. They are the things that He has always given us ... and they are always available ... sometimes, we have to make little adjustments to make them more useful in our lives. I personally feel so excited to better my study of the scriptures and my prayers. I really am committed to find out what the will of the Lord is in my life and to do it!
The Lord has a plan that is bigger than the things that I want. He wants me to strech and grow and reach my full potential. I know that. The stretching isn't always that pleasant, but I sure I am learning the attribute of patience and love. I sure am learning how to trust in the Lord with all of my heart.
So ... my letter stinks today. I am so sorry! Know that I am alright. I am going to keep trooping right along. If you have any missionary ideas that are awesome, I would love to hear 'em. Oh, I would also love to hear from the kids. I don't know if you could have them scan letters and send them to me ... I just want to read how everyone is. I love you all a lot. This love seems to get bigger and bigger with every minute that I am away from home. It's okay if you guys don't come to Chile to pick me up. The most important thing is that we are together.
I am grateful for SPANISH.
Yesterday, Sister Eyring (daughter in law of Henry B. Eyring) gave a faaaaaaaabulous devotional about life in general. It was about the decisions that we are making now and how Heavenly Father is anxious to help us make these decisions. Seriously, this was one of the best devotionals of the semester. Anyways, in her devotional, she talked about deciding a major. I really loved the story that she related, so I'll just post it here.
"Because of his great love for science, Henry Eyring [Henry B. Eyring's father] encouraged each of his sons to major in physics as preparation for a career in science. It was while Hal was studying physics at the University of Utah that an exchange with his father marked one of those defining influences. He asked his father for help with a complex mathematical problem. “My father was at a blackboard we kept in the basement,” Elder Eyring recalls. “Suddenly he stopped. ‘Hal,’ he said, ‘we were working this same kind of problem a week ago. You don’t seem to understand it any better now than you did then. Haven’t you been working on it?’”
A little chagrined, Hal admitted he had not. “You don’t understand,” his father went on. “When you walk down the street, when you’re in the shower, when you don’t have to be thinking about anything else, isn’t this what you think about?”
“When I told him no,” Elder Eyring concludes, “my father paused. It was really a very tender and poignant moment, because I knew how much he loved me and how much he wanted me to be a scientist. Then he said, ‘Hal, I think you’d better get out of physics. You ought to find something that you love so much that when you don’t have to think about anything, that’s what you think about.’”
I have found this in Spanish. I think about Spanish constantly. When I am sleeping, I try to translate my thoughts into Spanish. When I pray, I usually end in, "En el nombre de tu hijo Jesucristo, Amen." I work really hard to get good grades in my Spanish class. I am way super excited to go to Chile so that I can be immersed in the language (almost as much as I am to be a missionary). I am so grateful that I have found my passion and that it is something that I can actually do. Love it!
I've been thinking about changing my major. A lot. I really like the idea of teaching little kids, but I don't really like the idea of going into Elementary Education ... So, I've been thinking and praying about it. Like I mentioned before, I have sooo many interests. It is way hard for me to make decisions, especially when it comes to the major things of life. Today, it kind of just came together. I was talking to a new friend that got her call to Chile and she was talking about her fear of losing the language after she got home. I agreed ... I don't want to become fluent and then just have it be for nothing. I want to speak the language that I already love for the rest of my life.
So, I think I'm going to be majoring in Spanish Education ... and minoring in English Education. Does it sound like a good plan? I think it really, really is right. I prayed about it and felt super good. I mean, I have until after my mission to really hunker down ... but I think that is what I am going to do. It's funny, because I think this is almost exactly the same thing my dad did (except he had english ed as his major and spanish ed as his minor). I am following in his footsteps.
In between writing this post and being kind of excited for this change, I mapped out what my potential grad plan would be with Spanish Ed ... it is soooo perfect! When I was sitting down to do my El Ed plan, I just didn't feel really wonderful about it. But I feel so good about this. I don't know. It's kind of an impulsive decision. But I feel good. Yeah ... random blurb.
I CAN'T GET OVER HOW PERFECT THIS FITS!!
I love this. I love this. I am passionate about Spanish. I am passionate about teaching. I am passionate about English. I am so in love with this life plan. I am sooooo in love with it! Yes. Heavenly Father does answer prayers in his own time and in his own way!
I am grateful for VARIED INTERESTS.
I've been spending a lot of time at the library these past couple of days. I go there before, in between, and after classes. I spend a lot of time reading and thinking and doing homework. As I was doing my homework yesterday, I started to think about my major. Right now it is declared as Elementary Education ... which I think is something that I could really love. But there are soooo many things that I love when it comes to learning ... I love history and geography. I love English and Spanish. I love math and religion. I love so many things that it makes it nearly impossible (with my own logic) to choose what I want to do.
So, usually, I see these varied interests as a curse, like being in an ocean that's two feet deep. Lately, I've been turning curses to blessings and have been seeing them everywhere. Even in my strange loves for knowledge. I wish that there was a major that could just wrap up everything I love and put them into a package deal. That would be convenient ... but I know that a major like that simply does not exist. Eventually I am going to have to hunker down and choose what I'll be doing for the rest of my life.
This terrifies me ... but I am assured that all will be well if I rely on the Lord. I don't know what I am supposed to do with my life, but he certainly does. I know that my education is going to benefit me and that I am going to be qualified for whatever I choose to do. I am really grateful that because my interests are so varied, it's pretty easy to relate to others. I also am grateful because I have developed a thirst for knowledge that I feel like gives me a lot of passion. I want to live my life in such a way that people will know that I love life just from the look in my eyes.
Yesterday, I told my friend that I have made the decision to be completely happy. Not a forced and fake sort of happiness, but true joy. These past couple of days I have been finding that joy. I have felt the love of Heavenly Father and tasted of his goodness. I am starting to care less about what the world thinks and more about what my Father in Heaven thinks. I'm trying to be more and more sincere in my actions. This is making the world of difference. My life is awesome.
This was a pretty common question that was asked of me about a week ago. I responded in the negative. I was definitely excited ... it just didn't feel like what I had seen on videos of people getting their mission calls. On said videos, the people opening their calls were hardly competent. Their legs and arms were shaking uncontrollably; their emotions totally skewed. Yeah, if that is what "freaking out" qualifies as, I definitely wasn't feeling that a week ago.
But now, my story is a little different. It's been a week. My call could have been here yesterday or today at the earliest. I went to bed on Wednesday thinking that I could potentially have my call in hand by the next day. I woke up and went about my errands for the day ... and then I got home ... and I waited. And I waited. And I waited.
As I sat looking out the window, waiting for the mail truck to come by, I suddenly realized what "freaking out" means. It means that your heart races when any vehicle drives by. It means sitting around doing nothing because you can hardly focus on anything besides the mail. It means ignoring your little siblings requests for food because you are so stressed out. Freaking out is kind of a scary feeling!
I didn't anticipate that I would feel this way. I really didn't WANT to feel this way. In fact, if I had my way, I would like to be calm, cool, and collected during all of life's stressful moments. But the truth is, I really am not a calm, cool, and collected person. I scream like the house is on fire when I step on something that feels sort of fuzzy. I get excited and anxious all at once when I am anticipating something. So, I don't really know why I thought receiving life changing news would be any different.
Anyways, I've found that I have to stay busy somehow while I wait for the mail from day-to-day. As a kind of Type A personality, I really don't like sitting around and accomplishing nothing. So, I've found a few great ways to pass the time.
Eating and cooking. Oh, this one is baaaaad. I know in my heart that I should not resort to cooking when I am bored. It is so not good for my health. For some strange reason, it seems to calm my heart. I've been trying to realize that when I eat, I need to actually be HUNGRY (what a concept!). It's been a kind of interesting struggle.
Cleaning. Cleaning is another thing I enjoy doing to pass the time. In my house, there is always something that needs cleaning or organizing (mostly my personal items). Getting things ready for college is a good way to stress out about other things besides waiting for the call to come.
Reading. I've been reading a lot of historical non-fiction lately. Although this may seem like a weird genre to find solace in, I LOVE reading about things that have actually happened. Right now I am reading a book about the Watergate scandal (All the President's Men) that I absolutely adore. It goes perfect with a cup of hot chocolate and a journalist notepad sitting nearby. I'm a pretty average reader when it comes to speed, but taking the time to comprehend what I'm reading is a perfect way to pass the time.
Sleeping. I try to be real on my blog. I've been doing a LOT of napping the past few days. All the worry I go through is absolutely exhausting. I've never felt so drained; it has been reoccurring every day for the latter end of the week. So, I have the luxury of napping. I nap, wake up from my nap, and then go back to sleep. Somehow, I manage to still go to bed at my regular 10:30 and wake up at 6:30 in the morning. The human body is incredible!
Shopping. Another bad habit I've been getting into is shopping when there is nothing else to do. It doesn't feel like I break the bank when I go out, because I have been doing most of my school shopping at thrift stores. I'm becoming more and more of a thrifter the more I wait for this mission call. So much that I was seriously looking at a luggage set going for fifteen dollars and trying to justify why I needed it. I've been combating this urge to get out of the house and shop with having a list of things that I need for college. If it isn't on my list, I will usually not buy it. Unless it is a modest dress for five dollars ... then I will totally buy it.
Church-ing. Church has been providing nice breaks for me. On Tuesdays, I have Mission Prep and Institute to look forward to. There is always more that I could be studying in the scriptures or praying or thinking about life. I went out with the Sister missionaries in our area last night. I have become more and more grateful for the gospel as I have gone through this process. I am pumped to share it with others!
Dreaming. This is very different from sleeping. I have had a lot of time, it seems like, in the past few days to picture where my life is heading. I look every couple of hours at the world map that is now hanging in our living room and wonder where in the heck I'm going to be spending my 18 months as a missionary. I dream about going to exotic places and places that are almost like home. I dream about opening my stinking mission call. I'm impatient. I'm FREAKING OUT. I simply cannot WAIT to open it.
But I guess I'll have to.
PS. I don't think I mentioned in the actual post ... I haven't gotten my call yet. I've been waiting for the mail for the past two days and I've been disappointed every time. :(
I always have had people that I look up to. I have my personal heroes and studs that I try to emulate. This helps me in my quest for personal perfection, because seeing other real people with admirable qualities makes it easier for me to believe that these qualities can be mine with a little perseverance and hard work. I have been blessed to have many people in my Young Women's program to look up to. These girls that grew up before me have been paving the way for me for as long as I can remember.
These girls are solid. I looked toward them when I was smaller and saw no flaws; they could do no wrong. It was obvious that they had a testimony ... obvious that they would get married in the temple to pretty stellar guys. Sometimes, I would wonder how in the heck I would ever be able to measure up to them. I continued to watch their struggles and triumphs and because I carefully watched them and their progress through life, I began to realize that their kind of righteous was obtainable to me.
Many of these girlies have been going on missions or obtaining temple marriages.
I can't even begin to mention how grateful I am for their examples. Sometimes, in my own life, it has been super, super hard to see my life with an eternal perspective. I get wound up about the weirdest things. But, my heroes, my role model Young Women's group, have helped me to see that living the gospel is totally worth it.
For example, I went to Ashley Bogle's (now Nelson's) wedding reception the other day. It was so nice. The decorations were simple but elegant. The selection of music was perfect. The food was divine. But I think the best part about the whole even was Ashley herself. She looked so stunning and just ... ridiculously happy. Once again, I took the role of a spectator for Ashley's life. As she danced with her husband and then with her daddy, I realized that ... holy cow! I am only two years younger than her! I remember going to Achievement Days with her (back when Wednesday night activities were called that). Overwhelming was the feeling that I had. The temple is obtainable! It is just in sight! (But, believe me when I say, I will NOT be married before my mission haha).
In Sunday School last week, we talked about the temple, and I was kind of reading through the chapter we were assigned. It reads:
21 Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my law ye cannot attain to this glory.
22 For strait is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it, because ye receive me not in the world neither do ye know me.
23 But if ye receive me in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation; that where I am ye shall be also.
24 This is eternal lives—to know the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law.
25 Broad is the gate, and wide the way that leadeth to the deaths; and many there are that go in thereat, because they receive me not, neither do they abide in my law.
I was really struck by the simplicity of this statement. It is regarding temple marriage ... and it is so true! Few find this happiness in their life because it is SO HARD to find. You have to wait out on dating people that do not have your standards. You have to maintain your own standards so you can be worthy to enter the temple. But, if you can make it, YOU CAN RECEIVE EXALTATION. How stinking cool is that? It is so worth the struggle!
I am grateful for people like Ashley that help me to see potential in myself. She wasn't immune to the struggle of daily life, but she raised the place where she stood. Because she lived her life well, she was able to enter into the temple and be sealed to her husband forever. She is one of my heroes! I hope to receive the same joy I saw in her at her reception in my own life.
I'm kind of a sucker for animated classics. When I was home schooled, I pretty much did two or three hours of schooling a day, cleaned my room, read the scriptures, ran, babysat, and ate cookies. During all of that time, I listened to Disney music on Pandora nonstop. Listening to it now is like an instant kick of nostalgia. I love everything childish and sweet and clean about Disney movies and movies like unto it. The Swan Princess can send my girlish heart into spasms without fail. Anastasia ... oh, don't even get me started.
Yesterday, I was cleaning the kitchen after a little weekend trip when I heard this in the background. It was pretty faint, but I instantly stopped what I was doing and made a trip to the living room.
Yep, it was the Prince of Egypt. And it wasn't even one of the three copies we owned on VHS. It was ACTUALLY on Netflix. Oh, happy day! The Prince of Egypt is such a sweet, sweet movie, and I sob every time I watch it. I cry when the people are in bondage. I cry when the plagues are making the Egyptians ache. I cry when the people get out of bondage. Yeah ... there is a whole lot of crying involved when I watch the Prince of Egypt. This time, it was ten times more fulfilling because I have been reading the Bible from the very beginning, and I love the story of Moses more than anything in the world. This movie is soooo accurate. LOVE IT!
Anyways, for those of you who haven't seen this movie ... watch it. Okay? Just watch it. It will change your life.
At the end of the movie, there is a song called, When You Believe.
It is really a beautiful piece of music, and I think it captures the essence of what the Hebrews must have been thinking as they left Egypt. Holy cow ... I'm leaving this place that is my home. I know that there is something better out there, but how can I know that Heavenly Father will help me to find it? It was already super hard to get out of Egypt ... it's going to be just as difficult to get to a land flowing with milk and honey.
Yet, they had seen ALL of these wonderful and terrifying miracles. They knew that THEIR GOD would protect them. And their song towards the end shifted from one of timid faith to pure rejoicing. This is definitely when I start bawling the hardest. There is sooo much emotion in the range of this song. I love it.
While I was watching the Prince of Egypt last night, I was thinking about miracles that have happened in my own life. There are so many beautiful and wonderful things that have happened to me that I can CLEARLY see the hand of the Lord in. I have been so blessed to have my eyes opened to see my life in the focus of Heavenly Father's grand design, and it has changed who I am. Recently, with all of the changes that are happening in my life, I have been able to see EVEN MORE things that the Lord has done specifically with me in mind.
Financially, I am pretty aware of my situation. My dad has been teaching me for as long as I can remember how to save and spend money wisely. I bought my first house in February (which was pretty spectacular), and I've been saving up more of my money in the bank to prepare for my future.
At the beginning of the year, I was really unsure about how my future was going to pan out. I had a mission AND college to be saving up for, and I just couldn't foresee how I was going to be able to manage it. I hadn't applied for very many scholarships, and the applications I had in hand were proving to be really difficult for me to complete. I have a nice job cleaning out my Nandy's house a couple of times a week, but that wasn't going to be enough to fund my future on its own.
I sat down in December or January and figured all of this out. It wasn't a dire situation yet, but I knew that I wanted to avoid getting into debt for schooling as much as I possibly could. I knew that the prophets have counseled us to get our houses in order and I sure didn't want to start mine off in a bad way. I really felt that when I was inspired to go on a mission, anything I did before or after would work out. I felt confident that Heavenly Father would help me so that college would not pose a financial stumbling block for my mission. Knowing that the Lord will give "no commandment unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way," I decided to take my problem to Heavenly Father. I laid everything out for him. I said, "Heavenly Father, this is what I have. I'm struggling to know where to find the rest. I am willing to eat Ramen for every meal of every day and work as many jobs as necessary, but I am committed to staying debt free in college. Help me to know what to do and guide me to know how to do it."
It was AMAZING to see the floodgates opened. Every stumbling block I had first encountered melted away. On one essay that I was struggling with, I felt inspired to write something totally different than what I had in mind. I was able to come up with the money to buy my house. I threw my best effort out; I applied for EVERY scholarship I could, and even applied for ones I didn't qualify for. I'm not going to lie, it took a LOT of time to fill those puppies out. I would have much rather sat around and done my homework (that's really sad to admit), but I knew that I had made a commitment with Heavenly Father, and I was not about to back up on my part of the bargain.
For a little while, I was incredibly nervous that none of the scholarships would work out. BYUI and BYU were taking the longest time to get back to me, and I received a few rejection letters for the scholarships that I had applied for earlier in the year. This time was so discouraging. Like the Hebrews in Egypt, I felt like I had done all I could. I had thrown my all into the unknown, expecting immediate gratification, but instead I was asked to wait. I have a lot of faith in the fact that things will all work out, but it was so hard to trust in the Lord's timing.
As I waited, however, I was able to find solace in the fact that I would find answers to my never ending questions and pleas for help eventually.
Eventually came. I heard back from BYUI the day of the awards ceremony for scholarships at my school. I cried (in private) when I realized that I was receiving full tuition from BYUI, the highest merit based award that the school grants. Tuition at BYUI is so cheap that the scholarship would only account for half of what I needed to get to school, but it was a huge start. I was SO grateful for that scholarship, for the fact that someone recognized the hard work that I tried to accomplish in high school. It immediately served to relieve my feelings of anxiety concerning my financial situation for the future. I knew that I was in the Lord's hands, and I was beginning to see the wonders that he had in store for me.
Later in that day, I attended WHS's scholarship awards ceremony. The bulletins that they handed out before the ceremony had every award that was granted listed within its pages. I saw my name four times ... and I felt like crying again. This mountain that I was dreading so much ended up to be relatively small. I have no doubt that the Lord recognized my commitment and helped me to honor it, even though it might seem like a small thing. There truly can be miracles seen in every day situations. They did not stop after biblical times.
So many miracles have happened in my life as I have sought Heavenly Father's will and direction. Alone, I am so weak and inadequate. I sometimes get nervous because there are challenges that I know will arise in the future. I spend some anxious nights on my knees wondering how my life will work out and pleading fo guidance. I will soon be leaving my awesome home in search for better things, not knowing where or with whom I'll find them. But, I am sure of one thing. When I am on Heavenly Father's side, on his errand, I can do anything. I can graduate college debt free in a world where debt seems to be the only financial option. I can serve the Lord on a mission, well beyond my own capacities. I can love others without any restraint. I can do all things.
Miracles have not ceased. They are all around us if we are willing to open our eyes and believe.
"I challenge every one of you who can hear me to rise to the divinity within you. Do we really realize what it means to be a child of God, to have within us something of the divine nature? There is room for improvement in every life. Regardless of our occupations, regardless of our circumstances, we can improve ourselves and while so doing have an effect on the lives of those about us." Gordon B. Hinckley, "Each a Better Person"
I love Gordon B. Hinckley and I love this quote. I am a little bit of a perfectionist; I am hard on myself (sometimes too hard) because I truly believe in an upward climb to perfection. I am disappointed when I struggle but I am incredibly happy when I find ways to overcome the natural man and to be a little better. A year or so ago, I decided to lengthen my stride. I have felt the quiet whispering of the spirit telling me that it's time to lengthen my stride again. It is time for me to stand a little taller and to be a little better. Let me share some experiences that have happened in my life
First of all, I got the opportunity this week to attend Youth Conference with the youth in my area. Since I am pretty much ancient (I mean, I am 18 and a half ... egads), I was not able to sign up as a participant, but I was able to sign on to volunteer in the kitchen. It was such a fun experience because I was in a tiny position of power but I could also hang out with the youth a lot of the time. I don't know how, but I managed to get more disgusting in two days than I was the entire week at Philmont. The theme for this year's conference was "Be Prepared" and I had a lot of sandwich making time to reflect how I can be more prepared in my life. I am almost ready to submit my missionary paperwork. I am almost ready to leave for college. I am almost ready to start a family. ALMOST ready, but not completely. There are still SO many things that I could and should be doing right now to be fully prepared for my future.
Once again, my testimony of the priesthood was strengthened during Youth Conference. While she was participating in one of the activities at camp, Savannah managed to burn and blister both of her hands. It looked incredibly painful -- so painful that it hurt me to look at it. I scurried around when the injury happened to find a first aid kit that could help ease Savannah's pain. As we sorted through the gauze and alcohol pads, my dad wondered aloud if there was any consecrated oil in the first aid kit. I didn't find any, but I knew that one of my friends who was recently ordained an Elder had some on a key chain. Just as I mentioned that, my friend rounded the corner. Although he had come to help in the kitchen, my friend was able to help my dad give Savannah a blessing. I felt the spirit testify to me, yet again, of the importance of the priesthood and the importance of marrying a worthy priesthood holder in the temple. The Lord doesn't go half-way when answering prayers, I guess.
Anyway, my testimony building experience came with a condition. If I want to marry a rock-star, studly, priesthood holder, I have to be a rock-star, worthy girl. I think it is safe to say that I am already a generally good girl, but there is so much that I can do to be more worthy. It is time for me to stand a little taller and be a little better.
Second, I got the chance to babysit the Bishop's kids yesterday. These are the same kids that I blogged about when I decided to lengthen my stride; they are pretty much the best. I was really tired after youth conference and an afternoon of working, but I decided to go ahead and babysit because I love that family so much. I do not regret it!
The past few times I have babysat at the Bishops house have been awesome ... until bedtime. I struggled so much to get the girls to stay in bed and to keep the little boy distracted. When the bishop and his wife came home, I was frazzled and the kids were all awake. I realized that this was definitely a me problem and not a problem with the kiddos. I thought about the situation for a long time, and I came to the realization that I needed to change my philosophy a little bit to be a little more focused on what Christ would do. Last night was such a sweet experience for me. I tried diligently to not rush the kids. I spent time cuddling and reading to each one. I made cups and cups of chocolate milk until the kids were sick of it. I let them indulge in a seven minute video for being so good. Miraculously, bed time was a breeze. It wasn't fast paced and stressed; it was filled with laughter and comfort. Both girls were asleep right on schedule without a kink. I was so incredibly happy and grateful.
When all of the kids were asleep, I did a quick clean of the house. It was so quiet, and I felt my mind wandering. I feel like each time I babysit these cute kiddos, I come away thinking of things I can do better in my life. Like I did so many months ago, this night I thought about the need to lengthen one's stride. Once again, I found myself thinking about how awesome and scary it is to be a parent. What a responsibility it is! I want to be as prepared as I can to help my children grow up in love and righteousness. Part of that preparation has to be in the learning and implementation of Christ-like attributes. It is time for me to stand a little taller and be a little better.
Lastly, I am in the middle of submitting my paperwork that will qualify me to be a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Part of the paperwork process involves a series of interviews with priesthood authorities that confirm the worthiness of any missionary candidate. I actually was able to get an interview with my stake president while I was in the middle of writing this blog post. As he was talking to me, I felt the spirit testify to me that my decision to go on a mission is the RIGHT decision. I also felt of the power of the Atonement in my life. It has already made me a better person than my natural capabilities. I am so grateful that through it, I can continue to improve. I also felt the urge again to be even better. As a soon to be missionary, it's time for me to stand a little taller and be a little better.
One more Gordon B. Hinckley quote (did I already mention that I love him?) -- "Now, my brethren and sisters, the time has come for us to stand a little taller, to lift our eyes and stretch our minds to a greater comprehension and understanding of the grand millennial mission of this The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is a season to be strong. It is a time to move forward without hesitation, knowing well the meaning, the breadth, and the importance of our mission. It is a time to do what is right regardless of the consequences that might follow. It is a time to be found keeping the commandments. It is a season to reach out with kindness and love to those in distress and to those who are wandering in darkness and pain. It is a time to be considerate and good, decent and courteous toward one another in all of our relationships. In other words, to become more Christlike.
We have nothing to fear. God is at the helm. He will overrule for the good of this work. He will shower down blessings upon those who walk in obedience to His commandments. Such has been His promise. Of His ability to keep that promise none of us can doubt."
PS: I updated my mormon.org profile! You can check it out here or by clicking the "I'm A Mormon" button on the right. :)
I watched a little bit of TV today. While watching TV is not really a blog worthy topic in my mind, it was kind of a mind blowing event to me because of a two minute commercial. I can't even remember what it was about, but it had a person driving in a car and the voice over said, "Cars only have a small rear-view mirror to occasionally glance at the road behind the driver." It continued, "Cars have a large windshield in order to allow the driver to look ahead and anticipate the future." I found myself nodding my head at the commercial, silently agreeing with the message without selling my soul for the product. I thought about it as I drove home. I thought about it as drove 45 minutes away to see Katie in her District Choir Concert. Any time I have been in the car since I saw that commercial, I have been reflecting on what it means to have the past and the future before me.
I am a girl that chronically lives in the past. Sometimes, this is a pleasant escape from unpleasant realities (I like daydreaming in some of my least favorite subjects). Other times, when I am exhausted and lonely and afraid for my future, it is a crippling reminder of how better other days have been, which limits my perspective severely. I think that this commercial reiterated a lesson that I almost need on a weekly basis during the dog days of February and March. The future is as bright as our faith. I love the analogy of the windshield because there are so many potential scenarios. Bugs can dirty the windshield and will need to be wiped off at some point in time. Rocks may crack the windshield, calling for a total replacement. Outside circumstances may make it harder to see.
I don't know. This post is just a bit of my musings so that I'll remember this in the future.
When I was a freshman, I had a lot of dreams of how I wanted my future to turn out. I wanted to be married as quickly as I could possibly manage (I wasn't afraid of commitment). I had already thought out the potential names of my potential future children. I wanted a house somewhere in the Wasatch mountain range that I could take care of and call my own. I dreamed of attending BYU ... Idaho.
I got my hands on a brochure for the campus a few weeks after I got home from EFY and I read every page. I devoured information and put statistics in the back of my mind. I also prayed and prayed to know if BYUI would be "the school" for me. Every time I prayed, I can remember feeling comfort and peace.
I was a freshman and my dreams soon changed. I realized the beauty of marriage but also recognized the joy that comes with courtship and having a good time. I became a little more humbled when it came to my own parenting skills. I also learned that housing in Utah is EXPENSIVE, and my dream of obtaining a house of my own on the Wasatch range became a little bit more of a dream then reality.
However, my dream to go to BYU Idaho remained. I waffled for a long time between BYU Provo and Idaho; I took a trip out west just to consider my feelings about it (and to see General Conference). I found myself underwhelmed with the Rexburg area and further enamored with Provo, yet I couldn't shake the feeling that Rexburg was where I needed to be.
When people would ask me about my plans, I would sheepishly reveal this information to them. Moving from the middle of nowhere to the middle of nowhere is not supposed to be appealing to the average high school teenager. Going to a school that is notably less prestigious than it's sister school is not the normal goal for a high school valedictorian.
I really can't explain to others why I know that I need to attend BYU-Idaho ... I just know that I do. I know that happiness and fun and learning awaits me there. I could anticipate my success there when I talked to random people while walking aimlessly throughout campus. "Are you happy here? Do you love it?" I would ask and EVERY SINGLE TIME I received an enthusiastic yes with ten reasons why they loved it in Rexburg. You can feel a difference when walking on campus. It is the coolest thing ever!
I am so excited to be attending BYU-I sometime in the next year (I still haven't received my track assignment). I am so excited for the blessings that will come from obtaining an education and making a decision that I know has been influenced by Heavenly Father's plan for me. As I have followed what Heavenly Father asks me to do, I have been able to discover what true happiness is.
Here is a lovely quote by Henry B. Eyring about BYUI: "I hope I live long enough to someday meet some employer who employed one of you and says, "Where did that come from? I've never had such a person. Why people just flock around that person. And they want to follow. They don't have to be led; they're seeking to go where that person wants to go. And they come up with new ideas. I don't know where that comes from. They seem to find a better way, and the budget doesn't go up. I can't understand it." And I'll smile and say, "Well, come with me to Rexburg." And I may not be able to show it to you, and I may not be able to prove it to you, but you'll feel it. There will be a spirit here, I so testify, because of the love of God for all of His faithful children. And those blessings will be poured out here in rich abundance." I get chills when I read this. You, dear reader, might not be physically coming with me to Rexburg ... but I hope you can feel the influence that attending there will have in my life as I continue to write and to learn and to grow.
I just ordered my Senior Pictures and they look pretty swell. I've been doing a pretty terrible job about taking pictures of my life, so expect to see a few of these beuts popping up every once and a while.
Although it looks like I have been stinking this year at existing ... I am actually doing really, really well. I keep up a journal on the computer, but it is not connected to the internet and really only consists of my rants so you're not missing much. Just know, I'm alive. I'm writing. I'm well.
Our new semester started ... and I'm really thriving. After some intense social changes in my life (they actually weren't too drastic), I have been able to really focus on my learning styles and play to strengthen my education. I've been writing and reading consistently, which is something that I thought high school had completely zapped from me. I love learning. I love it almost as much as I love breathing. I forgot about how much I loved learning until I totally went without, and now I can truly appreciate how knowledge is an important godly quality.
One thing that I have come to realize about the attainment of knowledge is that it never, ever stops. There is so much that I will never know, and that scares me, but while I'm alive, I totally want to soak up as much information as I can.
This realization has kind of guided me in my thoughts for the future. Actually, it has guided my planning in many ways. Because I can now see myself as I really am and as I really can become, I can sense a lot of work ahead of me, but I can also sense a lot of potential. I am sure that this is true of every person that has ever lived ...
Anyway, I like thinking about the potential I have. I think that is what propels me every day to return to school ... even when I feel lonely or completely exhausted, it's entirely worth it because I can feel the improvement that is occurring in me. I have gotten less and less patient with busy work, but more and more patient with people. I can comprehend literature much better than I ever have been able to before. Although my blog doesn't read like it, I have also gained some insight on how to improve my writing. My critical thinking skills are being carved out of a painful physics course. A love of history is thriving in my brain. It's really awesome to think about how far I've come in less than six months!
Even with all that potential and improvement I've been experiencing, I feel like I especially have a lot of work to do. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed at all the things I should be doing. I should be writing a page in my journal document a day. I should be doing much better as an editor of the newspaper and in my callings. I should be improving my teaching skills. Ay ... it's an ever growing list that remains running through my head through most of the day. But I know that Heavenly Father is able to take my weaknesses that are very real and turn them into strengths.
For example, tonight, I attended a missionary preparation class. I love these classes. They are taught by my dad and are the highlight of my week. We basically follow a lesson book based on Preach My Gospel and we prepare to be better missionaries. I could completely relate to my friend, Thomas, when he said that he is humbled every time he goes to the class. I am ALWAYS humbled when I realize how infantile my knowledge of the gospel and how to present it is. I have a lot of enthusiasm, but I'm not a great teacher ... yet. Today we role played (which is something I have always kind of loathed); we were just explaining one scripture to an "investigator." I found myself struggling and could identify exactly what I did wrong each time I thought back on my little discussions ... but I also saw that I was improving a little bit each time I explained. The practiced helped me to visualize the potential I have within me if I will just put forth a little effort.
Jeffrey R. Holland, pretty much the coolest guy ever, said that, "The bar is not an obstacle to get over, but a vision to reach for." I think that this is SO true! (And not just because Elder Holland spoke it). Sometimes I see the things I need to be doing and I think about Christ and his perfect example and I am flustered. I am not perfect. But when I take a step back and really look at Christ and his mission, I am awed. Because that's the whole message! I'm not perfect, but he is ... and through him, I can be perfect. It's pretty amazing, actually.
I set the bar at perfection ... and I reach and reach and reach.
I'm sorry it's been a little quiet here. I've just been getting back into a routine because now I have responisibities and homework and yadadada. I thought that since school just started , and because beginning to feel like fall, and because BYU is playing football again, I would catch y'all up on what's going on in Laney Land.
Probably the biggest question that EVERYONE has been asking me is, "How is going back to school?"
The answer is tricky, but also incredibly simple. I love school, and I love that I decided to stay at home another year. I feel like my decision was inspired and so, now, I am totally okay with my choice. Before I actually went to school, I wasn't so sure. I thought about just skipping town and heading off to college/adventure in Rexburg. Or maybe staying half a semester and then graduating. When people asked me if I was looking forward to returning, I would say, "Not at all," because to me, going back was sealing the deal that said you're going to cry all year and have no fun whatsoever. Since I have been in school for a couple of weeks, I have found the opposite to be true.
My classes are incredibly hard, but my teachers believe in me and won't let me fail.
My time is completely gone, but I still find time to snuggle with the babies and play the ukulele.
I meet new people that rely on my friendship every day.
So far I've only had one meltdown ...
It's been a good experience! There aren't many things that I feel like I am missing out on, and I am just loving life in general. Learning how to learn this last year has helped me so much in handling the transition.
Another big transition that has been on my mind recently is the transition from high school to college! Thank goodness that I am not graduating early!! I have a feeling that going through all of that paperwork would give me a conniption. We had a college fair last week (I was volunteering, so I didn't get to really participate) and it was almost overwhelming to see how many directions my life could go. I have always leaned towards a church school (and am still leaning that way, despite the tons of options) but just acknowledging that there were still colleges that I hadn't even heard of that might fit me better. Cray-cray. (That's a slang word for crazy that I've picked up recently. Thanks, School!)
Speaking of church schools -- BYU has been rocking football. Well ... sort of. They won the two home games that they had, but have been committing errors like nobody's business. This all was leading up to their big game against the Utes which they lost for the same reason. To tell you truthfully, I am not a huge, huge megafan of football (I only know the basics of the game) but I am a huge MEGAFAN of BYU football. It has been so fun to get into their games this year as my family, with a slightly mocking attitude, watches behind me.
I went on a run outside the other day and I was just thinking about how blessed I am. I know it's still early in the year, but I can tell that my lesson for the year is going to be my complete reliance on the Lord. Believe it or not, that is something I have struggled with in the past, but this year it has played a key role to my happiness. For example, that one melt down I had came after a fantastic day! I really was walking on air, but I think I became a little prideful and didn't rely on the Lord as much as I should have. That being said, I humbled myself very quickly and from that day on, I have been trying the Lord to see the blessings that will come. And from the direction of the first few weeks of the rest of my life, I can just tell I am going to love it.
I have seen this quote going around recently and I LOVE IT. Joseph B. Wirthlin is one of my heroes and this quote puts so much vibrancy in my life, especially when things get tough. "I know why there must be opposition in all things. Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn to love it. As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father, we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, 'Come what may, and love it.'" It will be interesting to see how this year plays out. I hope I can keep perspective as I move forward!
This summer has been magical and fantastically perfect, but it is quickly fading. Just the other day I went in to register for my senior year and it has given me a lot to think about.
First, I thought about my past self. How on earth did I get to be who I am? Really, I am so blessed. When I look back at who I was in kindergarten or even as a sophomore I can't remember who I was. It feels like those separate and past versions of me are strangers, and I wish that I could crawl back through time and slap them around a bit to knock some sense in them. I think about how different I could have turned out if I made different decisions at key points of my life. I guess that as I get older, I will feel similarly to how I am right now -- maybe even more so -- and I welcome it! If anything, this time of transition and being a "big girl" has given me a glimpse at how eternal everything in this life is. It's all about perspective, right?
Second, I thought about how difficult my senior year is going to be. I have straight AP classes and classes that are required with Journalism being my one respite for the day. I am going to have to be hyper-organized and on top of it, basically the opposite of what I have been doing for the past fifteen months. It kind of stresses me out to think about it now, but as I was registering, I felt completely peaceful and I just knew that it was the right thing to do! Plus, I found this article that gave me much needed encouragement and guidance. I especially loved President Monson's insight, “My young brothers and sisters, don’t take counsel of your fears. Don’t say to yourselves, ‘I’m not wise enough, or I can’t apply myself sufficiently well to study this difficult subject or in this difficult field, so I shall choose the easier way.’ I plead with you to tax your talent, and our Heavenly Father will make you equal to those decisions.” It seemed to be just for me!
Third, I thought about my life and the direction I am headed. On Saturday night, my sister and I stayed up late to see the meteor shower that happens annually (which was an incredible experience! I will spare you the sound clips of Savannah and I talking because every time I would see a meteor, I would squeal incredibly loud and would wake the whole neighborhood -- but that's a different story). After, we settled in and watched The Swan Princess. While the movie was rolling, I found myself thinking about my purpose in life. It's a classic question, "What did I come here to accomplish?" and I thought I had answered it already. But as I thought about it, the question would not leave my mind. I don't know what I am going to major in or who I am going to marry or even what I am going to be wearing the next day! What on earth could God have in store for me, individually? I decided to take my question to the Lord, figuring that the time I spent praying a studying would be a pretty good investment of my time. After all, this is my WHOLE LIFE we're talking about.
When I woke up to go to Church the next morning, I reminded Heavenly Father of what I wanted to learn throughout the course of the day and then went to church expecting to be edified. Incredibly enough, I was! The talks were about living life with purpose, our Sunday School lesson was about trusting in the Lord during times of conflict ... it all seemed to whisper to me that Heavenly Father was mindful of my request and if I would listen, he would be willing to answer. With my mind fully alert, I expected our Young Women's lesson to carry the same theme, but we're on a strange nutrition track for the month. Immediately, I began to close my heart to the principles that I felt like I had heard 1000 times. I still listened and participated, of course, but I wasn't really expecting to receive anymore guidance for my life. One of the last things that my Laurel adviser said really struck me, though! She pointed to the Word of Wisdom that Heavenly Father set forth long before there were nutritionists dedicated to fight obesity and all things unhealthy. She then pointed to the things that said nutritionists stated were part of a balanced diet. They were the same. She then said that Heavenly Father knows what we need long before we learn it for ourselves.
I went home with that thought and studied and studied talks and other scriptures, but I felt like I wasn't finding answers. Surely with that much study I would have been inspired as to the general direction my life was supposed to take! As I was reading I felt like I should read through some scriptures a few more times and I flipped open to Proverbs 3. This chapter of the Bible is near and dear to my heart because my EFY group from 2011 was named after it. It really became a rallying point for me this year as I had to make big decisions on my own. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart," it beckoned. I shook my head in disbelief and read it again. "Lean not unto thine own understanding," it called. "In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." I finally began to understand, and I felt like I needed to write it all down.
I wasn't asking in prayer to know what major I needed to focus on in college. I wasn't asking to know who I was going to marry. I was asking to know what my purpose in life was so that I could go out and do it. My experiences of the day seemed to shout, "You don't need to know EVERYTHING right now! You know just enough to rely on the Lord." I guess what I learned was that one of the purposes of my life is to hand it over to the Lord -- and then watch in awe as he makes so much more of it than I ever could. Even though I am terrified of becoming an adult and having to make educated choices that will determine the rest of my life, it comforts me to know that through it all I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and has known what I have needed and who I have needed to become long before I have ever wondered about it.
I was studying for our Sunday School lesson next week (the stripling warriors! Hubbahubba!) and there was one quote that I read and LOVED! Ezra Taft Benson said, "Yes, men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life to God will find he has eternal life." I know that this is true and I am so excited to see it unfold in my life!
You might ask, how is this going? Or you might not care at all, but I've heard it said that the best way to keep a commitment is to share a commitment. And since I've already done two blog posts tonight and it's 3 AM, I figured I might as well make use of my time.
*Run a 5-K(in the works) I haven't been the best runner this summer. I work out everyday, but it is mostly on the elliptical and stair stepper. I am going to do better, though! I am determined to keep this goal.
*Eat healthy, balanced meals(in the works) I have also been having a tough, tough time eating healthily. It's partially because it's summer and everything is so irregular, but mostly because I am pretty undisciplined with my love of food. This is another goal that I am going to make a better effort to do.
*Look for ways to serve others daily(in the works) I actually have been pretty good at looking for ways to serve others. As I was driving home from a trip to Saint Louis with Sister Stewart, she said that she felt like she wasn't drinking enough water even though I know she gets a lot! It just made me feel like I can ALWAYS find more ways to help others.
*Forget myself and get to work(see above)
*Take a picture a day and sit down and blog about it(lost cause) I am so sorry to those of you who actually read my blog and my future posterity. I have been so terrible about updating it that it isn't even funny. Recently however, I have been pretty good at taking a picture a day with instagram. What a lovely little app! It makes me feel like I'm a photographer, even though I obviously am not.
*Study the Scriptures every day and read the New Testament(on track) Yesssss! I have actually been very diligent about reading my scriptures. Previously, I would read them every day of the week, but I would skip weekends (because that makes any sense) but now I have been reading with a purpose and the difference is marvelous!
*Pray with more sincerity(in the works) There are still some days when my mind slips into the quirky repetitions I have, but I really feel like I have gotten closer to my Heavenly Father during the past 59 days. It has been incredible to witness how powerful prayer can be. He hears and answers my prayers!!
*Develop good time management skills (in the works) This summer has been crazy busy for me, but despite that fact, I feel like I have been getting so much accomplished. That's probably because I have been on summer vacation for the past 15 months and I have a pretty solid routine. I could be doing better things with some of my free time. A litle less FB stalking might be in order. A little more service and family history work. But I figure that those things will come in time, especially since the things that matter most to me are starting to take their proper place in my priorities.
*Always be personally hygienic (on track) Summer is usually a scary time. Sometimes I can go for days without getting dressed in real clothes (aka, not pajamas or sweats) because I don't see many people. But this year I have been making an effort and it's crazy to see what a difference it makes! When I actually get dressed for the day, I feel like my day is more productive and I feel more confident! Who knew?
*Read Gordon B. Hinckley and Spencer W. Kimball's Biographies(on track) I have completed President Hinckley's biography, and he is one of my hero's now! I usually don't like biographies, but his was so captivating. I loved how he was so human, but was obviously prepared from a young age to be a prophet. I LOVE HIM! And I have also been reading Spencer W. KImball's biography. He had such an interesting beginning to his life! As I read about his feelings and philosophies, I have these overwhelming feelings that testify to me that we have prophets on the earth today that give valid direction. I think once I'm done with his book, I'm going to read about Heber J. Grant.
*Fast on Fast Sunday every month(in the works) I have fasted on fast Sunday once this summer, but the other time when I didn't fast, I fasted the next day. I need to become more disciplined!
*Work to be better at my callings(in the works) I'm trying to be a good bulletin maker/Laurel president/committee member! I know I can be better though! I can do it!!
*Devote time on Sunday to Family History and take at least 3 names to the Temple (on track) Ahhhhh, this goal has been so fufilling! I love Family History work so much! It makes me SUPER, SUPER happy to a.) find my ancestors and b.) learn about the ones that I have already found. I've been able to go to the temple with names and the feeling of doing it for people that are actually my family is a crazy one indeed. It has brought so much peace to my life!! I seriously owe it all to David A. Bednar -- his talk in General Conference has become a rallying point for me!
*Drink lots of water (in the works) I actually went and got a glass of water after typing this. When I am near water, I try to drink as much as I can. I don't get nearly enough, and as with my service goals, I can always do better!
*Spend time outside working on the garden or clearing forest(lost cause) Our poor garden ... our poor poor garden. I've spent a remarkable amount of time outside, but not doing anything productively. Ahh well, there's always next year. And the year after that. And the year after that. So, I'm getting there. To be honest, I am impressed my resolve has lasted this long. Something I've learned about lengthening my stride is that it isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. I try my best everyday to do what I know is right and then I try again the next day. I know I'm not perfect, and I never will be in this life, but I love how accomplishing goals (or even attempting to plan out and accomplish them) gives me a little preview of what heaven will be like. Just so you know, it's pretty awesome.
