September 29, 2015
it's the end of the world as we know it
On Sunday, the world was supposed to end. The moon was going to turn blood red and everyone was going to die in a crash of fiery stars. I went to the dunes with a group of friends and we sat for an eternity, looking towards the moon with anticipation. I don't know if you are very familiar with the dunes ... basically, they are drifts of sand in the middle of nowhere that go on for miles. A lot of college kids go there to party and make huge bon fires.
Every time that I have been there, I have been blown away by how clear the sky is at night. I can't really look at pretty things and speak coherent thoughts at the same time; as we waited, I looked up at the sky and just marveled.
Although the night came and went and, SURPRISE, nothing really happened, I was so amazed. Not by the moon or the crashing, fiery stars ... it was dullish brown and the only falling stars were satellites.
I was amazed by the universe. Sitting in the dunes in the middle of nowhere is so humbling, because everything looks so huge in comparison to oneself. The night of the apocalypse, I thought a lot about Heavenly Father. It is incredible to think that He made this world. It is mind-blowing to think that He made other worlds and other planets and other stars and that they all seem to work together in perfect unity. It is insane to think that, even with all of those things that are going on in this big universe, He knows me individually. He knows Laney Blau and has a plan for her. And He knows you too.
That knowledge changes my life on a daily basis. I might be a pretty average girl, but I have seen time and time again in my life that if I trust in Heavenly Father and that perfect, individualized plan that He has for me, I can do some pretty amazing things. I went on a mission because I felt like that was God's plan for me. I homeschooled because I felt like that was God's plan for me. I am at BYUI because I felt like that was God's plan for me.
And there is something beautiful that comes from knowing that.
It is a quiet confidence that comes from understanding that Heavenly Father has everything under control and that He has a purpose for me. I am still not really sure why I am specifically here in Rexburg. But the happiness I feel while I have been here is a confirmation that I am doing what Heavenly Father wants me to do.
There are so many things that help me to know that Heavenly Father is happy with me and my decisions in life. First of all, the people that are in my life right now are amazing. It blows my mind to think that a week or two ago, I hardly knew any of them. Heavenly Father has been so kind to help me to find people that always build me up and make me want to be a better person.
Also, I was recently called as the Relief Society President for our student ward. I was initially surprised ... After all, I am just me. On my mission I saw that Heavenly Father always helped me to be so much more than I am, and I know that he will help me with this calling as well. I have 24 girls that are in my Relief Society ... and it is such a pleasure to be able to love and serve them. Tonight, we were set apart by the Bishopric and I felt the Spirit testify to me that I was called to this position for a specific purpose. I could feel the weight of the responsibility falling onto my shoulders, but I could also feel that Heavenly Father would be able to lift me to be able to fit my calling.
I have loved school. I have never felt so stretched in my life, but I know that the effort that I put into my education right now is going to help me for the rest of my life. So I keep trying. I attempt to soak up every word and to do my best. My professors are wonderful and, as I sit in class, I have felt the Spirit testify to me over and over again, "This is where you are supposed to be." This is where I am supposed to be. I am learning a little more every day why that is. I feel like my life has been a lot of jumping into the dark and doing things that don't make sense. But it has also been a lot of life-saving catches and revelations that have guided me to where I am at today.
My life is a miracle. It is even more of a miracle than the prevention of the apocalypse and the anti-climactic passing of a blood red moon. I am so excited to see where Heavenly Father is taking me. The path isn't always clear, but it is an awesome experience to keep looking toward the future.
at 9:28 PM