I am grateful for TECHNOLOGY.
I think I should take a step back and mention that I am not a huge advocate for using technology all the time. In fact, sometimes the new things that are being developed for the technological world scare me to no end. However, I am soooo grateful for technology because it helps me to stay connected with my friends and family. With text and email and Facebook being so convenient, it makes it really, really easy to connect with others that I might have lost contact with.
For example, yesterday I got two emails from missionary friends of mine (Heath and Jess). I love them both! It made me so happy to hear for them. Heath is finally in Argentina, but he had a hard, hard week. It is heartbreaking to read about, but it was nice to hear that he was alive and learning. Jess had an amazing week! She's only a couple of hours away from me ... which is bizarre to think about. I am grateful that technology can take a distance of a few hundred miles (or a few thousand miles) and make the gap so tiny that I can feel every triumph and cry for every frustration and setback. I'm going to be on a mission in just a few weeks! AHHHHHHHH! I'll be experiencing this stuff, too! I seriously can't wait.
I am grateful for technology because it makes finding information so much easier! I am currently making some delicious Pastel de Choclo for Spanish class (like, right as I'm typing it's in the oven). In the ancient days, I am not even sure what I would do to find that recipe. I guess I'd look in a library for a Latino cookbook? But now, I just typed in Pastel de Choclo on Google and more than a million results popped up. How incredible is that? I wonder how people of even a century ago would respond to this increase of information and networking.
I am also grateful for technology because it made changing my major incredibly easy. Yesterday, I sauntered into the Language and Letters office and said, "I'd like to change my major to Spanish education." In a few clicks, my major was changed and my minor was declared. I headed over to the library, and, with a few hundred more clicks, I changed my grad plan. I haaaaaate, hate, hate doing that kind of stuff. When I made my grad plan for Elementary Education, I basically followed the sheet exactly and planned out my classes. However, this time, I had to consider when I would be testing out of Spanish classes (because I will be fluent in just a year and a half) and when I would put certain classes together. It stressed me out ... just a little bit. But as I was doing it, I realized how much easier it was for me to accomplish than it would be without technology. Awesome. I also felt so good about it as I walked away from the library.
Because of technology, there are things called Mormon Messages that you can watch from the comfort of your own home. My dad shared one with me a couple of days ago that I really loved.
This video was PERFECT for my whole "changing my major" situation. I really did pray about being an Elementary Education major. I felt good. So good that I had a burning feeling in my chest testifying to me that this was an acceptable path. However, when I started down the road, I didn't feel that warm, fuzzy feeling of the spirit. Instead, I felt confused. I didn't really like my Education class that I was taking, and I realized that I didn't like the idea of taking all of the classes required for the major. Elementary Education isn't something that people go into for all of the money that you make ... it is something that requires love. And I just wasn't feeling that love. I am so grateful, though, that Heavenly Father allowed me to go down the WRONG path, to be sure that I was on the RIGHT path. I know that I needed to be a Spanish teacher all along. It is something that I love and am interested in. I can't shut up about it because I am so excited.
Life is really awesome when you notice all of the wonderful things in it.
This past week has been EYE OPENING. I've been learning about the atonement, house buying, dating, scholarships, teaching and everything in between. So, this post might seem like throw up ... I'm sorry.
Last weekend, I went on a date-ish thing with Heath. It was a kind of spontaneous "I'll be in your area in a few weeks" thing, but it was lovely. We planned nothing, but did everything -- complete with: ice-skating on the pond behind his house, baking, movie watching, decision making, Frosty buying, driving, grocery shopping, cleaning, talking. It was pretty stellar. Heath is really one of my best friends, despite the distance and the general lack of being together, and I love spending time with him. He is leaving in a measly 25 days on his mission, and I was glad that I got to spend some time with him before he left.
I have also been able to become more confident in the course of this week. I have started the process of buying my very first house and I am so EXCITED! It is such a good investment to make, and I feel like it is going to give me a huge head start economically when compared with my peers. It's been on my list of five year goals for a long time, but now it is finally coming true! Missionary preparation has also helped me to become more confident in my ability to teach and grow in the gospel. I went out with the sister missionaries (Sister Stanworth and Sister Magness) and I left with the biggest grin on my face. I am SO excited to go on a mission! It is one month closer!! I also was able to feel the spirit during our weekly preparation class. With a little bit of practice, I am already getting better at sharing the gospel. It's incredible.
Senioritis, something I thought only happened to other people, has happened to me. I don't have a lot of motivation to do anything. Actually, I have a ton of motivation to do the things I don't need to. I've been writing letters and baking and cleaning out the wazoo. Unfortunately, I've not been extra diligent about applying for scholarships or applying myself in school. Luckily, my senioritis is still not bad. I do my homework, just a couple of days before it's due instead of a couple of weeks.
On Sunday, I was able to learn an important lesson about the Atonement. I've had a hard time grasping what it means to have godly sorrow, and I prayed while driving home from Indiana that I would be able to more fully comprehend it. I talked to the Bishop about it after church and I understand so much more about Heavenly Father and his love for me. Knowing this has been so lovely to remember during the week, simply because I know that I can repent of everything and start anew. Learning this has helped me to continue preparing to go to the temple and go on my mission this year.
I'm doing a three month challenge for Seminary that includes reading the Book of Mormon and praying everyday and keeping the law of chastity and the word of wisdom. I have been working extra diligently on my spiritual health and I feel so HAPPY. Honestly, for a few months there, I was in a true rut. Now, not only am I out of that rut, I am thriving. I am always smiling sincerely and I feel much more kind and much more in tune with the spirit. I love it!
I have been able to experience the spirit that Ezra Taft Benson promised came with a sincere study of the Book of Mormon: "There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called “the words of life” (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance."
It makes so much sense to do the things that I know Heavenly Father wants me to do. I read a talk recently called The Fourth Missionary, and it said that the Lord's way is the ONLY intelligent way to go. When I look back on times when I've kind of forgotten the world and have relied on my own wisdom, I remember times of difficulty and sadness. When I look back on times in my life when I've been doing what the Lord wants me to do, I don't remember how hard it was to keep the commandments. Instead, I remember happiness and peace and I come to understand that "wickedness never was happiness." I am in love with my life right now, and I have been so blessed! Heavenly Father is really looking out for me. He always has been.
I'm a little flighty. It's pretty obvious on my blog, just because I change my life plan every three days. I worry about my future and how everything will work out just so. For a while, I could see no path forward and I had to put my trust in the Lord that it would all work out.
Last week, the path was opened for me and I finally know (this time for real) what I am going to do with my life. I remember who I was two weeks ago. I was Laney Blau, the "nicest girl in the world" (a title my friends have given me), the valedictorian, the girl with a vision and a purpose in life. Two weeks later, I am the same, but so, so different.
I think this subtle transition in my life began like so many others. I was on my knees, my little notebook splayed before me with question after question listed. I don't know if you have noticed this, but I love to ask Heavenly Father a ton of random questions that enter my mind (sometimes just to make sure he's really listening).
"Is BYUI a good educational option for me?" I asked with hesitation, making sure to phrase my question the right way. "How can I make a difference in someone else's life? What can I do to avoid the winter blues? Does Thomas S. Monson truly receive direction from thee?" I paused and muttered, almost as an after thought, "Should I go on a mission?" This question has been playing in my mind for years, but I couldn't find balance between my desire to get married and receive an education and have children and go on a mission. That part of my "life plan" has always been a tad cloudy, and I justified that cloudiness by telling myself I would know when I turned 21 (the age that women are allowed to go on LDS missions). I closed my prayer and continued to think about my questions throughout the coming week, especially pondering the ones about my future. After all, General Conference (an LDS conference held twice a year) was approaching and I wanted to make sure that I was prepared to be edified and uplifted.
General Conference will always be synonymous with home for me. When I was younger, General Conference weekend was craft mecca. I learned to make pot holders and to crochet during the talks given by the old men and, as long as I wouldn't talk, I didn't have to take a Sunday Afternoon nap. As I have gotten older, my focus has shifted slightly. I replaced yarn for paper and needle for pen and I began to listen to what the Lord wanted me to hear.
The past couple of Conference's, I have been blessed to drive up to Utah to see it in person. When I went in April, it was a trip to go up to Rexburg, Idaho to see the campus of BYU-I. This October, I really didn't have any purpose to drive out, but I longed to be in the Wasatch Range desperately. I knew that it was silly and irrational, but I begged my parents and my Heavenly Father to let me go. I rationalized that this session of Conference would give me the added strength to make it through the semester ... and if I could make it through the semester, I could make it through the year. If I could make it through the year, I could make it through my entire life. With some gentle pleading and little planning, I packed my suitcase with clothes and my mom and I were on our way.
The drive up was looooooong but beautiful. I thought about the trip I was making in less than twenty-four hours and compared it to the trip my ancestors had to take over months and months. I couldn't help but to be grateful for the sacrifice they made. I mean, there really isn't much to see in Wyoming, and I could imagine the difficult task of trudging along day by day.
We finally made it past the Utah state line. For future reference, while driving, you can not turn your head around without swerving. The northern area of Utah is gorgeous, but as I drove along I-15, I knew that we had reached God's country. I know why Moses went up into the mountains to talk to God ... it's because he's there. This feeling of awe reduced me to tears (it might have been a little delirium from lack of sleep as well).
There was still time to kill, so mom and I went to all the hottest joints in Provo and shopped until we dropped. We checked out BYU's campus (which was cray cray busy) and then headed back to our hotel. I had made some loose plans to hang out with friends, so I attempted to look super hot and then hunkered down with an AP text book, anxiously waiting for a call. It was fifteen minutes later that I realized that we were in UTAH -- my surrogate heaven -- and I was just waiting in a hotel room, alone. I was a little miffed, but recognized that I stunk at making plans and things would work out. Looking for a little adventure, I told my mom that we should go driving through the canyons and that I would make up plans as we went. I shot a text message to Heath asking what we were doing the next day (we were planning on meeting up and going to Conference together) and then said a little prayer pleading that it would all work out.
Utah traffic stinks. It took us a good hour to get to the canyon, and all the while I was waiting to hear back from Heath. Finally, at the base of the mountain, we were able to talk. I sighed in relief and although not much planning was going on, I wasn't worried ... until we got into the canyon and I lost reception. I prayed and prayed that something would help AT&T's signal to reach me, because this was happening tomorrow! I couldn't see a way for it to work out unless I talked to Heath at that very moment. I was a little anxious, to say the least.
Anywho, I'm rambling. To save you the anticipation, it all worked out. We drove up and down the beautiful canyon, went to Deseret Book (where I met a nice girl who helped me to think less of my plight), and made it to our hotel. I was emotionally exhausted and, in our little hotel bathroom, I fell down on my knees in prayer. I felt so anxious and down on myself. I had made plans with so many friends that had all fallen through. I wasn't so sure that I was going to go to BYU-I. I looked forward to conference with zealous worry. If I can make it to tomorrow morning, I can make it through this trip.
In the morning, I still felt anxiety and worry. This wasn't the relaxing trip I had hoped for at all. We didn't have tickets for the morning, but my mom felt like we needed to try and get into the Conference Center. From Lehi to Salt Lake, I worried about how the day would turn out. I thought about the questions I had asked, what seemed like eons ago, and I felt a gentle warmth of hope that poked through the anxiety. Through all of my fear and insecurity, I felt confident that it would all work out and that this trip could still be fantastic.
Downtown Salt Lake, for those of you who haven't been there, is a pretty happening place. There is always some event or market being held and it has a very contained, bustley feeling to it. This Saturday morning was no different. In fact, as we were driving I couldn't help but notice how incredibly busy it was. I had never seen it like this before and it didn't bode well for our chances of getting into the Center.
As I suspected, Temple Square was insanely busy. We began to wait in the standby line ... and there we waited, and waited, and waited. I passed the time by snapping pictures of the temple to put on Instagram that I just knew someone would like. The nice older missionaries directed the line into the Tabernacle where we were to wait until they knew how many seats were available. I felt my spirits sinking, recognizing that we weren't going to make it in. I read a little bit of "Heaven is Here," a book I picked up from Deseret Book the night before, to pass the time. Stephanie's story tugged at my heartstrings and I gained such a perspective from the few chapters I read waiting in the Tabernacle. I chatted a bit with the girl who sat next to me and learned about her life, which also helped me to feel normal again. Finally, the session had begun ... and, unknowingly to me, my life had begun as well.
The opening song began and I felt the spirit, but only faintly. Thomas S. Monson was the first speaker, as always, and I listened for the announcement of new temples and the usual call for more missionary work. I've noticed that this first talk is usually formulaic and I began to zone out. Temples in Tuscon and Peru ... check. Missionary service ... I felt my heart perk up at the mention of missionary work. He was talking about 18 year old missionaries, but my brain thought that surely he had made a mistake. Everyone knows that Mormon missions begin at 19 for boys and 21 for girls ... but I soon found that it was no mistake. "All worthy 18 year-old males who have graduated high school ..." At that moment, one hundred names of my friends flitted through my head; I was so excited for them! Before President Monson had finished explaining the boy age change, I had texted Heath, "Are you going??" Then President Monson began talking about the Sister Missionaries. I must have had three concurrent heart attacks. This wasn't real ... it couldn't be!
When President Monson announced the change in age for girls, I felt such a joy in my heart that I had never felt before. I felt the desire to be gone already. I wanted so badly in that instant to be serving the Lord on a mission. I thought back to my list of questions and I started bawling. This was an answer to my prayer that I had asked only after I had asked everything else. Elder Cook began speaking, but I wasn't really paying attention. My mind was reorganizing priorities and was preparing to drop everything I had planned. I knew that going on a mission when I was 19 would alter the course I had planned for my life indefinitely, but I also knew that it would put me on the path that I needed to be on. It was incredible to see how everything in my life suddenly came together ... just so. It didn't matter anymore where I was going to college. If I was going on a mission, I'd have plenty of time to think and decide. It didn't matter who I was going to marry, because my mission would come first and I would have time to decide that as well. I had received my answer ... If I would leave my worldly life for 18 short months, everything I desired would fall into place.
The rest of the talks in that session were amazing. My favorite quote from it was, "I'm a Mormon. I know it, I live it, and I LOVE it!" I found time during the session to look back on my life, and I was so grateful that I had been preparing for my mission far longer than I knew I would actually go on one. The sadness that had plagued the first few days of my weekend was lifted with this announcement as I latched onto the ray of hope provided for me. "I can be on a mission in 14 months! Oh my gosh!" As we went to lunch in between sessions, I could hear several girls on the phone with their parents and it was awesome to hear each girl affirming her desire to leave on a mission. I felt that each of us who were affected by the change would be such a force for good! I could see each of us entering the mission field and changing lives and I was so happy! The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints really is directed by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. He knows who I am and wants me to be happy ... he wants everyone to be happy, and that's why he has asked me to share. I feel such a new sense of purpose and relief and it's an incredible thing!
Saturday Afternoon I was able to meet up with Heath and Connor, as well as Connor's mom and sister. It was a little trickier to get together than I had anticipated, but the wait was worth it. We finally spotted them and got into the huge line that was outside the Center. Conversation was pretty much focused around the morning's announcement ... probably because Heath turns 18 this December and he was already diligently trying to set up an appointment with his Bishop. Unfortunately, the Conference Center was packed again, and we were actually turned away, even though we had tickets! We slowly made our way to the Joseph Smith Building, where they were projecting the conference in their meeting rooms. Once again, each of the talks were incredibly uplifting. I felt like they were crafted especially for me and that everything was going to be okay. I looked over every few talks at Heath and Connor and I felt such comfort, despite the fact that each of our futures were going to be changed forever. It's going to be okay, I heard over and over again, it's going to be okay.
After dinner, Heath, Connor, and I wandered around the mall. I finally learned what parkour is ... and that all Mormon girls look the same. Soon, it was time for the guys to head off to Priesthood session. Outside of Deseret Book, I hugged each of them and wondered when we would ever see each other again. I thought about how grateful I was for the gospel and how it had helped me to meet such wonderful people. Really, when I think about it now, my mind is blown! Hundreds of people that I consider to be my good friends ... I would have never met them if it hadn't been for the gospel!
Those small moments seemed to last a blissful life time, but the rest of my stay in Utah was not meant to be the same. For "Ladies Night," my mom and I were able to see every temple in the Wasatch Range. Sunday morning, we went to Conference in the Tabernacle. In the afternoon, we were finally in the Conference Center! There, I was able to see my trek brother Ben and his family, which was such a pleasant surprise. When Thomas S. Monson walked into the room, I could feel the spirit testify to me that he was a prophet of God. I have never felt so strongly about something in my life, but at that moment, I knew. I am so glad that he is able to receive inspiration from the Lord about the path that I need to take.
As soon as we had gotten to Utah, we were on our way home. A period of less that 200 hours had shifted the direction of my life permanently. I learned the secrets of happiness and the skill of decision making. I had gained a testimony of the Prophet. I was full of so much love and enthusiasm that I felt like I was going to burst. Just two weeks ago I was wondering what I was going to do with my life. I was happy and plodding along, but I wanted direction. Now, I know what I am going to do and I know who I want to be. I want to be a missionary! I am going to be a missionary now! I have no fears or doubts in my mind. I only wonder ... are you going?
My dad has the weirdest dating philosophy in the history in the world. I don't really know how to adequately describe it ... lots of dating, lots of traveling, and lots of variety. If that didn't cut it for you, my mom wrote about it here and here. Just know that it isn't the norm, and sometimes it is a little frustrating ... but most of the time my dad's weird thoughts translate into wise thoughts.
For example, my dad has been setting up dates for me since before I was sixteen. I've still got a pretty good line up of dates from this pre-planning. Some of these dates have been incredible, and some have been a little questionable, but all have been SUPER fun and I learn something each time! When we went to Utah this April, I dated boys I had never, ever met. And strangely enough, I think that it made the trip worth it for my dad. I am so grateful to my parents to are totally willing to make insane trips like this so I can spend time with stellar people. With that as a preface ... I had a pretty awesome weekend with Heath (remember him, guys?). I don't think I can put it into words how fun and crazy and awesome it was all at the same time, so I apologize in advance, friends.
Enough with the rambling. Without further ado:
Top six places we ate at in no particular order ...
1. The Sushi Shack -- It wasn't actually called the Sushi Shack, but it definitely defined hole in the wall. The servers were so nice there and the sushi was INCREDIBLE (okay, maybe not the eel sushi). Even though we might have annoyed the heck out of the people that were sitting next to us ... and even though we got waaaaay more sushi than we needed ... and even though it was pricey it was still the best sushi shack I've ever had the pleasure of eating at.
2. PF Changs -- Heath and I really got our chopsticks fix for the day. PF Changs had the BEST Chinese food that I've had since actually being in China, and that is saying something. Ahhhh, it was so good -- and the company wasn't lacking either!
3. I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream -- I used that because I can't remember to save my life what this Ice Cream Shop was called. It was a mix between awesome and sugar heaven. I seriously looked at the menu, closed my eyes, and pointed ... hoping of course that I didn't land on something mocha flavored. Whatever I got (I can't remember that either! AHHHHH!!) was so delicious, and so was Heath's. We ate on a wall by the street and then stopped petty crime by picking up litter.
4. Haagen Daaz -- We obviously got our fix of ice cream as well! Thank you to the lovely lady at Haagen Dazs for not getting mad at me when I asked for eight samples. And again for not yelling at me when I didn't buy anything. And for making Heath a random smoothie, even if it didn't taste fantastic. You were a complete doll!
5. IHOP -- And if you thought I couldn't fit anymore into my belly, you were wrong! This was a totally random choice ... well actually, it wasn't random because it is one of the only awesome places in Indiana that is open 24 hours. Once again, Heath and I were blessed with a forgiving waitress who put up with our random requests. It was so fun to sit in the booths sideways and make sugar/salt art and write insanely slap-something awesome poems on napkins. Definitely a satisfying way to end the day.
6. Home -- It was so fun to eat at Heath's house for dinner on Sunday. The pizza was so delicious, and the crust was hands down the best crust I've ever tasted. I also tasted Raspberry Ice for the first time, and that was pretty life changing. The people were pretty stellar, too. I actually think eating at Heath's house was one of my more favorite things we did. They are such a fantastic family!
Top seven adventures that weren't supposed to happen ...
1. McDonalds -- Well, actually ... I guess that this was supposed to happen. So, picture this. We have been driving since four in the morning and I decide that I would like to stretch my legs a little before we get to Heath's house (this was about five hours into the car ride, but still an hour and a half away from his house). My mom nonchalantly suggests that we should stop at a McDonald's while passing through Brazil, Indiana. By the way, Brazil sounds exotic, but if you haven't been there you're not missing out. I hop out of the car ... and who else would I see but ... Heath? I thought about five thousand things at once and probably had 4 heart attacks. "Could this be a coincidence? I thought he lived further away! Ahhhhh! It's Heath! What the heck?" I looked to my mom for wisdom, but she and Heath just shared a handshake and said, "It's nice to meet you ... in person." At this point, I was starting to catch on that something was up. It turns out that they had been planning this for at least a week and I had no idea. Very sneaky (and well played) Heath and Mommy. Veeeeery sneaky.
2. Indianapolis, the first time -- At first sight, Indianapolis is super cool. There are like, 10 or 15 high rises and a ton of impressive buildings. We had two options when driving by ... go through downtown and take a little longer to get home or go around the city. Living on the edge, Heath and I decided to go crazy and see all the cool things in Indianapolis ... all two of them. The first was this crazy awesome monument that is apparently going to be the model for the steeple of the new temple that the church is building in Indiana. After a little bit of crazy driving in the circle around the monument, we decided to try and find the canal and only got lost a few times! The canal is beautiful (not to mention the perfect getaway when you are being chased by the police!) and it was so much fun to walk around it and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. The "awesome" places in Indianapolis did not disappoint!
3. Black Expo -- I giggle when I think about what happened later in the afternoon ... but it was actually terrifying when it was happening. When we went to Indianapolis the second time, it was significantly busier. Jess had told us to find cheap parking and to walk to her hotel because it was crazy, and she did not kid. We found a space at the City Center Mall, and there were people everywhere!! In the elevator, I asked the men that were with us what was going on and they looked at me like I was stupid and said, "The Black Expo." It made it a little hard to find the hotel where Jess was staying, but we managed to make it barely escaping arrest for jaywalking. Little did we know, the police had more on their hands than kids trying to cross an empty street. When we tried to ask what was going on, one cop pulled Heath aside and said, "I wouldn't be out here after 11." HOLY COW! The police were EVERYWHERE (with binoculars on the roof, in cars, on segways), and we didn't know if we should feel safe or terrified. I saw at least two people arrested ... it was like Batman in real life. So scary! I think it was on the way up that we listened to Christian rap ....... Needless to say, we didn't stay after 11. It was so much fun to be in such a crazy situation, especially when we got home and learned that there was a shooting at the Black Expo only two years ago. I guess that would explain a lot ...
4. Watching the Sunset -- Heath and I are both kind of obsessed with the sky, especially sunsets. Just look at our Instagram profiles. And the sky was just so flippin' pretty on Saturday! If I didn't love Missouri's hills so much, I would almost wish for flat land so I could watch the sunset like that. There were some places we went that were so gorgeous -- it was almost paradise. If only the waterfront lots didn't cost 645,000 dollars! I would buy that property in a heart beat. 5.A Walk to Remember -- While we were walking around the canal, Heath asked me what my favorite movie was. Of course I said Saturday's Warrior, which is the stupidest movie in the world (for those of you who aren't familiar with it's charming ways) but I love it with all my heart. When I asked him what his favorite movie was he said A Walk to Remember ... which I have never seen. When I said that, it was decided that my whole life had been wasted thus far (exaggerating), and so we determined to either watch The Dark Night Rises or A Walk to Remember after we hung out with Jess and Dalin. It turns out that we did neither. Heath looked for several minutes for the movie to no avail, (while I was falling into a giant bean bag, because I was hindering more than helping by just standing around hahaha) and when we learned that someone else had borrowed it we couldn't retrieve the movie because it was already late. So, we didn't get to watch the movie but it did lead to even more fun at IHOP. Anyways, A Walk to Remember is on it's way to my house through Netflix.
6. Finding my hotel room -- Curfew for me is midnight. After we got done eating at the IHOP, Heath and I drove to my hotel and sat outside and talked about our favorite parts of the day and the perks of dying by freezing to death. Soon, it was getting near the 11:45 mark and Heath still needed to get home, so we walked into the hotel and decided to be healthy and use the stairs. Not only was the door to my floor locked, but there was a giant scary spider that was inhabiting the window. Defeated, we then took the elevator with some of the best behaved children I have ever seen (maybe it was because it was midnight??). It was kind of scary to look at the wall where the room numbers were and to not see my mom's room. Was this the wrong hotel?! I think a look of shock mixed with confusion was our classic look for the day, and this moment was a perfect opportunity to display it. Back to the stairs, which were not locked after all, and then up another flight on the opposite side of the hotel. Thankfully, we found the hotel room. Fewwww.
7. Seeing Abby and Ashtin -- One thing that I loved about coming to Heath's town is that I knew a ton of people in the area from EFY. Two of these people were Abby and Ashtin from EFY 2011! I love these girls so, so much! They have such awesome testimonies and they are pretty much the coolest cats I know. So it was so awesome to be able to see them after church on Sunday!
Top seven things that were supposed to happen that rocked
1. Seeing Heath -- At EFY there are a lot of What Ifs. "What if we had a seven month company reunion at (insert name of popular, central location)?" "What if we got married?" "What if EFY was four weeks instead of just one?" It's all apart of the five stages of EFY depression. Buying more time is one step that shows itself prominently during the week. When Jess was telling us how she would be back in Indianapolis and "what if we go together for a group date" and Heath invited me to come with him, I obviously didn't pick up that this was a what if situation. In fact, because my dear dad has such a crazy dating philosophy, I didn't even bat my eyes twice before I was on the phone asking my dad if I could come. Because Heath and I had become such great friends during EFY this year, of course it was awesome to see him again! It made it so worth the drive. 2. Jess and Dalin -- The planning for this part of the day was so hard to do because Jess was still working at EFY and technically she wasn't supposed to be talking to us ... but I am so glad it all worked out! We met Jess and Dalin at her hotel and then we went to the mall to eat. After we ate, we went to an arcade and basically tried to fit ourselves into anything that was meant for two people and play air hockey over and over again. It was such a blast! I've said it before on the blog, but I love Jess so much! She is so much fun to be around, and so was Dalin! It makes me want to be an EFY counselor so badly when I am around them because they are pretty much the epitome of coolness.
We didn't really know what the heck was going on in the photobooth. Can you tell?
3. Heath's family -- While we were driving up to Indianapolis, I had the sudden realization that by going up here I wasn't just going to be seeing Heath ... but his whole family as well! I loved that when I walked through the door, Kirsten was running down the stairs to give me a hug. I loved that I felt this same undeserved love throughout our stay from everyone. I loved how sincerely kind and hilarious every single person was. They really made my mom and I feel welcome and I was super grateful!
4. Painting a masterpiece -- This was idea that Heath and I kicked around before we went on the date, and was actually one of the only things that happened perfectly. We traveled to Goodwill and picked up a nice painting -- the process took forever, just because it was so stinkin' hard to keep all of the paintings from toppling over onto the floor -- then to Kroger (which is pretty foreign to a Missouri gal) to pick up paint, and then back home to demolish it. The picture is pretty artsy, wouldn't you say? Near the end, we randomly started painting each others faces ... because, why not? So memorable and so much fun!
5. Mormon Bachelor and The District -- Hahaha, this wasn't really planned ... but it was still super and deserved a spot on the list. The Mormon Bachelor is exactly what it sounds like and it is hilarious! The girls are really interesting to watch, just because it has such a Mormon twist to it. I mean, when eternity gets involved ... things always get interesting. People might even hold hands and say I L-O-V-E YOU! And The District ... Oh my word. It got me so pumped to be a missionary! It was totally real, and sometimes that translated into hilarious (I want to be a blue comfy chair when I grow up too!) or heartbreaking. So much excitement, and the thing is, IT IS REAL LIFE. Watching these shows with Heath made me super happy! The only negative thing that comes from this is my new found addiction to the Mormon Bachelor. Goodbye extra time!!
6. Church -- Church was another thing I was stoked for. I love going to church and I love meeting new people, so this seemed to be a great fit! I already knew Heath (obviously) but I also knew Taylor from EFY. Remember him? It was so nice to see him! We arrived at Sacrament meeting super early and sat kind of awkwardly in the middle of nowhere, so everyone got a chance to see us -- the newcomers. It was kind of sad to see our well-wishers faces fall as they found out we wouldn't be permanent additions, but the ward members were so accepting. The Sacrament meeting was really powerful ... probably because I wasn't chasing after little kids (is it weird that I kind of missed that??). The subject was on families and I learned so many effective techniques that I can use right now. I love it when that happens! I was so prepared for optimal Sunday School participation, but Heath's class was studying something completely different from the Book of Mormon manual, so I struggled for a little bit to recoup. When I got off of my high horse and started to listen, there were so many things I needed to hear in that lesson. I needed to hear that my long term goals are just as important as my daily to-do list. I needed to know that self-discipline is a key to success. It was such a good lesson! Young women's was really good as well -- a lesson on scripture study and then a testimony meeting (they had just finished their camp). I loved that even though I didn't go to Girl's Camp I could still feel the same spirit testify to me that Heavenly Father loves me. I love the gospel! I love my life!!
7. Car rides -- Because Indianapolis is 45 minutes from where Heath lives, there was a lot of given driving back and forth and back and forth. Have I ever told you how grateful I am for cars? I'll save that for another time ... but I loved the car rides. Heath insisted that he was an awful driver, but I thought he did just fine, especially since I know I am the worst driver in the history of the world. It was pretty stinkin' fun just talk and to ask each other random things and listen to a weird mix of EFY music, Demi Lovato, Indie music and Christian Rap.
Top ten things about Heath that are stellar
1. The way he handles stress. -- I am not going to lie, posterity. Walking in downtown Indianapolis was a stressful situation. Losing the car in that stressful situation made it even crazier. Looking for a lost car in downtown Indianapolis during a violent racial meeting was infinitely insane. Now it seems really hilarious and makes for awesome stories. At the time it was potentially something that could have turned a fun day really sour. Heath kept such a great attitude! Any time we were in a pickle (looking for Jess, looking for the car, looking for somewhere to eat) he always seemed super happy and enthused. I think it was even more impressive when we were finally back in safe territory and he said that he felt super relaxed ... comparatively. And I could hardly tell the difference.
2. Treats others like they're rockstars -- One of the coolest things about Heath is the way he treats others. He is so considerate and genuine to everyone, from the servers at our restaurants to the friendly cops. At church, when I would say, "I'm here visiting Heath," the ward members would get a knowing look in their eye and say, "You'll be okay, then." Watching him interact with little kids was one of the cuter things that happened throughout the course of the date. Really it was only Diego, who you might be interested to know is officially the cutest boy in the world, but I could see how much Heath cared about Diego and how awesome Diego thought Heath was. After all, because he treats others with so much respect, that pretty much makes him a rockstar, too.
3. Loves his family -- This isn't a tough to gauge. As we were in and out of his house, Heath obviously cared very, very much for every member of his family. Not only did he say how much he loved them, he found little ways to serve and show his love. That is a pretty impressive feat, especially when teenagers can fall into a rut of generally not caring.
4. So much fun to be around -- Sometimes when I go on dates I expect to have a great time and then am let down. It's more my fault then anyone else's. It is not very often that I feel like I am completely me on a date. Usually there is always some sort of angle that I am going for and that affects how I act through the day. With Heath, it was so easy to just go with everything and be myself ... and to have a blast! I didn't have a strategy or a plan to have the loveliest time ever, but ended up being more fun then I could imagine. I wrote about the moments that were planned and unplanned that were fun, but I loved the in between moments just as much. Even when he was dead tired, it was hilarious to be around him. A trip down the stairs became a jumping contest. We would coin flip to choose between two options and then would choose something totally different on a whim. It was crazy and awesome and fun!
5. Makes crazy cool noises when he's excited/scared/etc. -- I don't know if this is a character trait, but it is so stinkin' funny to listen to Heath when something crazy is happening. If a bug was flying by, there was a noise for that. Similarly with ducks and other animals. Merging in traffic? Yup, there was a noise for that too. As a random noise maker, I thought that this was pretty awesome. It certainly made normal a little more interesting.
6. Hipster -- Does this sound strange? Okay, I admit, this one is pretty weird. But Heath is seriously the epitome of well-rounded cool. I enjoy his taste in music ... pretty much his taste in everything. Some things are a little questionable, but I guess that's the price you pay for liking things before they're cool. Sometimes it takes a while for the mainstream (cough, me, cough) to catch up. For example, I still don't know about the watermelon froyo, but y'know.
7. Such a solid testimony -- At EFY, it is hard to judge how spiritual people are in their real life. Actually, I think in any situation where you are in an unfamiliar situation with people, it's hard to judge what they think or feel. I don't claim to know anything about what Heath thinks or feels, but through his actions I can just tell that he has a testimony. Not only does he have a testimony, but I think he loves having one. He is always sharing the gospel, just through the way he acts. It's pretty awesome to see just how much the gospel means to him in his life.
8. Random questions -- "What is your favorite shape, Laney?" is probably the most random question I have ever been asked in my life. The most thought provoking, besides the big "future" question that I always get, was probably, "What has been your greatest trial?" Heath is pretty good at squeezing random information out of others. He is actually pretty good at starting conversations, period. Strangely, even when the questions were completely out of the blue and didn't make much sense, it never felt like talking to him was forced. That should be a super power.
9. Gentlemanly -- Is that even a word? I guess it doesn't matter unless someone wants to translate this post into a different language. In that case, good luck, friend. Heath was so kind to me during the whole weekend. He was always opening doors and paying for things (PS. Holy cow, Heath. Holy flippin' cow.) and making sure I was comfortable. And that was super cool. What I think was even more cool? Definitely how he treated my mom. There was really no obligation for he and my mom to interact at all, but he made an effort to learn more about her life and listened. I appreciated this so much!
10. Awesome, period. -- I feel like I can't even properly describe how awesome Heath is. I've only known him in real life for ... 14 days. Only two fiscal weeks. But he has impressed me and has taught me so much through his character and his actions. I think he is really trying to be good and it's nice to know that I am not alone in desiring that!
When we were sitting out in the parking lot of the hotel talking, Heath and I were kidding around about our favorite parts of the day and our favorite parts ever. I'd say this weekend is somewhere on the favorite parts ever list. Things were so imperfect in a perfect way. When my mom asked me what Heath and I had done on Saturday, my description was eerily similar to this (even the Spanish accent!) ...
And for the best date ever, I am totally willing to travel.
COW -- noun, AKA crush of the week. The only decent explanation that I could find of it is (and I quote) "Umm... well it's just alot of kids find others they like at EFY and get crushes really fast I guess. :D I think it's easier since you know most of the kids there are, you know, good LDS kids that want to live the gospel, and who's not attracted to that! So when you do get a crush we call them COWs. It's just an EFY thing :)" So eloquent! But it fits my purpose, haha. When I was a first year EFY participant, I was so blatantly naive to boys. I had just gotten over a messy, messy two years of middle school and I really had no desire to have anything to do with guys at all. Luckily, the boys in my first year group were so stellar. Actually, I have been blessed every year with guys that have helped me to learn some KEY lessons in my life. Let's take a journey through the years, shall we?
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My first year of EFY, as I've said before, was bizarre boy wise. I had no idea what a COW was and I really didn't care. I had pretty cruddy self esteem and really didn't like the idea of Mormon boys. I have no clue why now, I just liked shaggy haired, skater, punky boys. Oh my goodness, that is so weird to think about now.
Okay, focus. The first day we met our boys, I found myself warming up to the idea of liking someone for only a week. Even though when I look at the picture now, we look like babies, I thought the guys in our group were hunks. There was especially one boy in our group that I liked way more than the rest. I guess he was my crush of the week, but I didn't realize that at the time.
It got pretty bad as the week progressed. I found myself in a group with all of the girls and then he would walk by. As he would walk by I would stop talking/laughing/being normal and I would just stare at him. So creepy. I don't think he reciprocated my feelings. But I learned an IMPORTANT lesson from him that week.
I learned that boys can be nice and respectful -- that they can show emotion and laugh and have fun with me. Before that, I don't think I had ever had a guy sincerely compliment me. Nor had I ever danced every slow song at a dance. I truly felt beautiful while I was at EFY, even though my fashion sense was questionable and it was 1000 degrees. I also learned that it is super important for us girls to respect and honor those with the priesthood. It was such an eye opener! I vowed that week that I would never even start to look at guys that I couldn't get married in the temple with and ever since that moment, I have loved Mormon boys.
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The next year, I went to two different sessions, which meant two times the COWs, right? Actually, this year, I decided that having a COW was just too limiting on my experiences with others. So I determined to make every boy my COW. And it was a smashing success. All of the boys in my group in Provo were sooooooo fun! There were only a few of them (compared to the 24 girls we had) but I still managed to have a blast with the boys. I felt so much wiser and mature and I really felt like I took on talking to the boys in stride. It was still a little bit of the awkward segregation between boys and girls, but what can you do? I don't have any decent pictures from EFY in Nauvoo, but it was the same situation. There weren't many of the guys, (I think there were only 5!) and I was determined to be fun and bubbly, but not to serious with anyone. And not surprisingly, I had a great time! Although, it really felt like I was missing out on something when I didn't have any COW at all. Surely there was balance! Again and again, the spirit would witness to me when I was with these boys that eternal families are SO important and that I was worth something! Over and over again, I would be hit with an assurance that if I stayed true to the covenants I had made, I could have a lovely little family with a guy that was just as studly as the friends I had made at EFY.
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Ahhhhhh ... when I think of righteous Priesthood holders, I can't help but think of my group last year. It was really different being in the older group, probably because these were technically people I could prospectively date. There were SOOOOOOO many studs in our group that it was hard to even imagine having just one COW. Every single guy in our group was solid. They so obviously had testimonies of the gospel and it was so attractive. Okay, I'm done gushing for a while. But seriously, I learned a ton from these guys -- I am so grateful to them! They were stellar examples of what I want in a husband. But I went through the week thinking, I must not have a COW. Pizza night came and went and I still hadn't paired off with anyone. This was the first time during my EFY history that I thought to myself, maybe I have the wrong idea about COWs. After all, it was just for a week and it wasn't like I was ever going to see these people again.
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This next one is going to seem biased-ly long ... It all happened less than two weeks ago. Keep that in mind. As the life went on for the rest of the year, I had a ton of time to think. There was a lot of time for Facebook stalking and dating and experiencing life. I loved my year, and I grew so much in so many ways! I learned who I really am and I flourished in that knowledge. It really boosted my confidence to levels that I had never felt before. But I felt like something was off. I felt so confident in who I was, but it seemed like guys weren't reacting as well to how I acted. Although it didn't bug me too much, because I wasn't going to let boys determine how I felt about myself, I wondered what was so wrong with being me ... and I started to think in my head that I would never be able to have stellar guys like me. I'm 100% positive that this thought was just an overly dramatic teenager thing, but I'm also very sure that it was real to me for a very large part of the year. I started to pray about where I needed to be for EFY. 500 mile radius, correct time frame, the spirit ... it all had to be there for me to commit. That seems really silly, but I feel like Heavenly Father knows where we need to be and when we need to be there.
On a whim, I started working on putting together a Mormon.org profile. On another whim, I posted it to Facebook. I love sharing the gospel so much, and Facebook makes it ten times easier! After I had posted it, I got a random wall post from my EFY 2011 friend, Heath. He just said that he had read my profile and that it made him want to be a better person. I appreciated this so much! After some back and forth commenting, he suggested that I come to Bloomington, with the promise that he wouldn't talk to me much so I could still make a ton of friends. I thought about it for a while -- like, three days. And then I felt and assurance that Bloomington was where I needed to be.
Months before EFY, I started praying that I would be able to have a great experience. I prayed for my company months before I even met them, I prayed for my counselor, I prayed for the session director, and I prayed for me. I wanted to be in a place at my life where I would be able to be helpful and that I would be able to make a difference in other's lives. I had some awesome experiences as I was praying that helped me to know that everything would be okay and that it would work out for my good.
As the weeks got nearer and nearer, I felt like I was ready. Physically, I had been working out every morning to prepare for all of the walking. Mentally, I had been reading tons of great books about the prophets that taught me a ton about how to be a good person. Spiritually, I had been making an extra effort to delve into the scriptures more, with added sessions of General Conference and supplements from Preach My Gospel. Emotionally, I prepared myself once again not to have a COW and made an extra effort to serve those who were in need. I prayed that the work I put into preparing into EFY would produce fabulous results.
When I went to Cincinnati, I felt like EVERYONE knew each other and weren't sad to leave because they would see each other again at Mormon Prom and Super Saturdays. I wanted so badly to create those same, lasting friends, but I couldn't get it out of my mind that I would never see these people again. That's why this year I was super excited! Not only did I know my sister, but I knew Heath, Connor, Taylor, and Maddie! I knew it wasn't a huge group of people, and the chances that we would see each other much at all were slim, but that was enough to make me feel like a part of EFY before it even happened.
The check in line was crazy, even at exactly 11 o'clock. I craned my neck looking for anybody I knew, but I couldn't find anyone. I walked through the line in an excited daze, making polite conversation with the people in front of me. When we got into the door, I saw Taylor and then Heath and Connor. The whole week really seems like a blur, but I remember some awkward conversation and hugging, and then I was pulling my fifty pounds of luggage onto the elevator.
I met my roommate, and then we met our counselor and the other girls in our group. At this point, I was beyond thrilled. The girls in our group were so cute -- basically righteous babes. We met up with the other group of girls (there were 24 of us!) and then headed down to our company spot. As I was walking, I couldn't help but look for the people I knew. It was way harder than the hardest game of Where's Waldo. We sat down in our company spot and waited ... and then our boys came.
Don't they just look like they define righteous studs? I was so surprised when I saw that Heath and Connor were in my group! I worried that because I knew them I wouldn't really get to know the other guys, but I managed to spend a ton of time with everyone in the group. Like I said way earlier in this post (IT'S SO LONG NOW! I'm sorry!!) I have been blessed with great guy examples at EFY. I loved the guys in my group so much this year. Each and every one of them were such great examples to me! I know that they are going to make fantastic missionaries and husbands and leaders.
As the week progressed, I found myself in groups with Heath a lot. We'd have ukulele jam sessions and water drinking contests and we went to a few classes together. I just attributed this to the fact that we had already known each other before the session, so it wasn't weird at all. I still was on a good track to keep my record of not having a COW. Even at pizza night, where all of the girls confess their COWs, I said that I didn't have one. Everyone scoffed at me, but I really felt that it was true. I don't exactly know when that started to change.
Near the end of the week I would call my mom and say, "Heath and I did this today and it was soo fun!" I loved that we had become such great friends during the week. I had gained so much respect for him because I saw him quietly serving people through the week and bearing his testimony. He was always so happy and genuinely nice to everyone and I noticed.
On Friday, before the dance, we took so many pictures. It was so fun to capture the faces of everyone I had gotten so close to during the week. Heath and I took some pictures with our ukuleles after everyone had already gone off to the dance and then we went to put our stuff away. We placed the ukuleles lovingly down on the floor (mine is like my baby) and then he pulled out a balloon with a cow drawn on it from his backpack. I think I was a little confused, and I can't remember much of what happened next, but he explained that I was his cow and I said that he was mine. I hadn't said anything to anyone about how I felt the entire week, but at that moment I realized he was my COW. I was surprised at how easily I identified it. It wasn't with any creepy stalker, I seriously love you and want to get married, feelings, but I just liked him. It was a pretty cute moment, if I do say so myself.
I don't know what I even felt at that moment. It might have been joy, but I actually think it was insane amounts of gratitude. I felt so secure with who I was and it was bliss. The rest of the night was really exhilarating.
There was a lot of hugging, I love/miss you's, you're such a stud's, and crying that night, but I mostly felt happy. I loved knowing that the gospel was TRUE! I loved everyone in my company, and since most of us are going to the same college, I felt like everything would be okay and that we'd all see each other again, even if it was at our 120 year reunion in heaven.
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And that's a wrap! A comprehensive history of all the guys I've been impressed with for the past four years. Even with the length, it still seems a little pathetic, I admit, but I have no regrets. I am so grateful for the EFY program. I am super, super, super grateful for the examples that the guys in my group have given me. COWs are temporary -- they are of the weekly variety after all-- but I have learned eternal lessons from each experience I have had with them, even when I was a self proclaimed vegetarian. I have learned about respect, both towards myself and others. I have learned how to interact with others better. I have learned NEVER to settle. I'm sure that in 20 years when I am married with kids I will still be thanking these righteous men in my life that have been such great teachers and examples.
