January 31, 2016

my shepherd will supply my need

My cute roommates. This was our first Sunday dinner a couple of weeks ago. I love these girls!

This week has been one of spiritual growth ... in other words, it has been hard and fantastic all at the same time. Those kinds of weeks always help me to learn so much more than a normal week, so I really am grateful.

My week was CRAZY. I felt like I was constantly running from appointment to training to meetings to studying to exercise to school. Every day was like this little playlist of tasks put on repeat and shuffle. I listened to the rhythm and just went. I prayed every morning that I would have the strength to do everything that I had planned for my busy days and then I headed out the door to conquer. Every day, I came home to my house COMPLETELY SPENT, a stranger to my sweet roommates. One night, as I lay under a heated blanket with the lights on and my eyes droopy, I thought, I can't remember being this tired since my mission.

And that thought made me so ridiculously happy.

It's been a while since I have been a missionary. I've started to tell people that I've been home for eight months (it will be eight this next month) and I get that same look that I got from people when I told them I had 16 months in the mission. The response, "That long??" and the implication that I sometimes feel behind those words, "You're still in a singles ward??" It's hilarious to be on this side of the spectrum, the RM side.

As indicated by the incredulous looks of those who learn the amount of time I have been home, I am becoming a veteran in the RM world (although I don't think that I have really been home thaaaaat long. Maybe that is just denial?). I never could have anticipated the challenges and joy that comes from living the real life.

For example, I never could have imagined the struggle of trying to find new purpose and direction. I never could have imagined the potential every first date has to be incredibly awkward. I never could have imagined the powerful pull that every priority has. Balancing life is such a challenge! I firmly believe that we all have the same amount of time in the day, so the only difference between success and failure is making the time for the most important things ... but it is a lot harder to live this principle than to say it.

Although these daily challenges sometimes punch me in the stomach and take my breath away by the raw force of it, I have found so much joy in working to solve and overcome them. Every one of them gives me a chance to grow and develop, with the same intensity and growth that I felt while on my mission. This is why when I felt worn out this week, I felt happiness. Even though I was a little overwhelmed, I recognized that every thing that I was doing was helping to build the kingdom of God and to build myself. There is something about being used as an instrument in Heavenly Father's hands that brings that satisfaction.

So, bring it on appointments and training and meetings and studying and exercise and school. Keep the good things coming! I may not be the strongest person, physically, spiritually, or emotionally, but every day I am becoming more and more confident in Heavenly Father's ability to make me stronger than I am. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He will supply my need.

1 comment:

  1. You are not in denial. 8 months isn't that long. When you come to a point you can fit 3 missions into the amount of time you've been home come talk to me. As a retuned missionary who also didn't have sense of direction let me give you advise on what direction I wish I did have when I rsturned. Stay focused on marriage. That is the next big step, also concentrate on your degree. Yes it can be rough balancing those 2 things together but it can be done. As for awkward first dates stick with it because that awkward first date can turn into a second date, third date and the next thing you know it you're getting married. Keep you're head up and keep putting you're faith in Jesus Christ and you'll make it through.



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