The past year has been really splendid ... but I'm ready for a new one!
With the ups of our trip to China and my various summer camps, but the downs of February and January ... and the blah's in between, I am ready for some positive change. I think I am finally ready to start succeeding and doing things for me, rather than to please others. That sounds really selfish, so let me explain.
This year I really struggled with my classes online for one reason. It wasn't because I didn't enjoy them or that I didn't have the means to be successful with them, but it was because I didn't know who I was sending my assignments to. I didn't know who to please, and that made my grade prone to fluctuation.
When I was going to real life school, I had already signed up for EVERY extra-curricular activity in the book that I could on my quest to please the college review boards and to appear well rounded. That was a mistake. I've been doing it wrong my whole life! I now realize that I need to actively do things that I enjoy rather than have shotty attendance to thousands of things I only kind of have an interest in.
Another thing that has been sacrificed in my quest to please is my reading. I know that sounds stupid, but as I've been in high school, I have been really interested in delving into the classics. Not because I really wanted to (although I do have a love for Shakespeare and Jane Austen) but because I wanted to impress my overachiever friends and my teachers.
I think the final thing that I really think was to please was the idea of "womanly attributes" that I had this time of year last year. Although I think that there were plenty of good ideas and goals to strive for there, I really think I was trying hard to fit the mold of someone that could find a potential spouse at BYU quickly. But now I realize that I don't want to fit the mold. I would love to get married and I plan on doing it in the near future ... but going to China opened my eyes to the possibilities that are in the world. I want my husband to love me with all of my quirks and imperfections, and to realize that I am still trying like everyone else.
I should be doing things for me, and then bask with wonder at the blessings that will come (like a husband, happiness, an education that will actually benefit me).
That sounds incredibly selfish ... but I still am going to serve others and make sure that everyone feels at ease, etc. Bare with me here, I just had a big lightbulb moment.
So, in accordance with my new reevaluation of my life -- which seem prone to happen as the new year rolls around -- I have made goals that are in sync to do things for me ... but also to keep others in mind always. I'm so excited to see how this year turns out. I know that Heavenly Father has big plans for me and I am anxious to start discovering those plans.
Here's to a prosperous New Year!