I have to write three papers today in order to stay on track with my learning.
Which means I should probably be writing them instead of blogging. But after one barely successful shot at writing how Huck Finn and his floating raft have impacted society, I am needing some veg time.
1. When you use all of your brain power on a Monday ... there is nothing in this world or the world to come that will motivate you to do more work through out the week. (PS. I'm starting Spanish this week, which might be a reason why I am avoiding finishing my Language class ... Ay carumba.)
2. Paper writing at my standard is hard work, and on Mondays I am never satisfied. I know the grammar on my blog is pretty terrible, but I really am quite the perfectionist. I love the feeling of turning in a paper that I know is GOOD, because I am sure it will get a 100 percent. When the weekend has just finished, I am far from being able to rise above a sub-standard state of mind, and therefore, my work looks like crud.
3. With every Monday comes some very enticing distractions. Facebook, blogging (not like I ever use that as an excuse), stalking others ... I have found that Internet school is VERRRRY difficult because of this very thing. After all, when there are beautiful things like PostSecret and Baseballs to Bows, why would I ever choose to actually work?
4. When I actually get around to getting a paper done, I realize that I just wasted an hour of my life on a paper that will be graded by a person I don't even know. This doesn't really apply to Mondays, but I have often been finding myself thinking about this when it comes to my homeschooling. I have had fantastic relationships with all of my teachers since I can remember. They were always there for me to share my feelings, to help me get through my educational struggles, and never failed to help me be the best student I could be. With homeschooling, I wonder if these people even care about me. Do they just want to make a quick fifty bucks off of my education? Are they haphazardly grading my things because they assume I am a dumbo? I wish I could have a little more of a relationship with my teachers (who do exist somewhere in the world) but because of the online schooling, there really isn't much of a chance for that kind of reaction.
Should I keep trying my very best when I can't be sure?
5. I simply have a love hate relationship with writing. Obviously, I maintain a blog. I have done role playing for Harry Potter (everyone goes through a time of extremely weird things ... right?). I love to write short stories that pop into my mind, just to intrigue others. But I have found that as my schooling has continued, this love for writing has become more of a chore than a hobby. I HAVE to write this paper. I NEED to work on a short story. I wish that I could just love what I love without feeling forced to do anything. Really, school is doing nothing but dampening my creative edge. I hope that as I explore homeschooling, I will be able to find that love again.
Okay, I'm done venting/vegging/procrastinating. It's time to get back into the fray and start writing about what I think defines American literature ... hooooorah!