July 8, 2011

pondering the good things

I'm sitting on the rooftop of my dad's national headquarters and I am listening. Listening to the leaves rustle in the wind that never seems to end when you're this high. Listening to my thoughts; to my heartbeat. It is truly beautiful.

I've been wondering about my future lately. Who will I be? Who will I marry? What will I major in during college? Or even the simple things ... Will I pass high school as valedictorian? Should I try homeschooling one more time? I really need to prep for my five k tomorrow.

It makes me anxious to think like this. I hate it. My heart starts feeling heavy. My chest ... My whole body actually feels like it's being compressed into a tiny box. Thinking about the future is important, at least I think so, but my futuristic thinking consumes my entire body.

But up here, it all seems less important. Up here I think about a heavenly father that knows everything about me. I think about all of the little things that happen in the Missouri woodlands that he knows about too.

It's cool and breezy today. I am cool and breezy. I feel sublime. I feel clean. I feel pristine. Almost like a package of Orbitz gum.

Beauty is all around. Even when I feel like I am missing something, that there has to be something MORE ... It's there. I can feel it around me.

And I am content.

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